The birds are chirping. The breeze is blowing. The streams are trickling. All is well in the Academical Village save for an aggressive fox reported in the University area, which I do trust our heavily-armed and well-trained University police will quickly catch, despite their ever busy routine of writing people tickets.\nWhile to some students, the first few weeks of school might seem like a good time to relax, that could not be farther from the truth. The first few weeks are what we in the know call "Game Time" for meeting, impressing and wooing women.\nMost other dating experts may speculate about the most important aspect of meeting that special girl and making a move. I, however, can say, without a shred of doubt that, above all else, the key to being a Don Juan is not in your dress or looks or dance moves. The key, my friends, is location, location, location. You see, not every situation calls for the same Mac game when it comes to copping honnies, ya dig?\nAllow me to give you a basic rundown of how to act depending on the pretty lady and environment where you find yourself.
1. A dark room with loud music - This often occurs in a fraternity house, but may also pop up in apartments, abandoned warehouses and dumpsters. The key here is to play it cool. Don't be the guy trying to yell over the music so that you can let her in on your affinity for furry creatures and your dedication to becoming a doctor. No one cares about these things anyway. Instead, focus on your dance moves and facial expressions. You want her to hear an ever-so-slight whisper radiating from your hips and cheek bones that yes, you are here, and you are dangerous. Tell her with your eyes that the polo and khakis you have on are just a domesticated mask for the tiger that lies within you. Utter with your stanky leg, "Soy en fuego." Do that, good sir, and she'll fall for you without ever catching your name.
2. Around Grounds in broad daylight - This is a tricky one because she is going to want you to be funny or charming or good-looking or whatever. Assuming you have none of these qualities, distract her from discovering your lack of desirable attributes by juggling knives and sporadically ripping off the sleeves of your shirts. These two simple acts will show her that you are a man with skills whose time is worth vying for. Also, tattoos help. Really, really large tattoos of Chinese symbols and tribal designs. That way you can be rough and ready AND cultured.
3. At the dining hall - Don't ever try to approach a girl in a dining hall. The monotonous food and overall poor quality of the experience has already cast a shadow upon her brow and there is no use trying to right the wrongs that wicked place has dealt her. All you can do is bow your head, pray and go about diving into a heart attack on a plate of your own.
4. The gym - The gym is by far the simplest place to pick up young lasses working on their fitness. Just approach them, flex and say, "Your move." Even if she laughs, slaps you or spits in your face and calls you a pathetic loser, you know she's going to be thinking about you for the rest of the day, week and maybe her whole life. She's going to be wondering if she should make a move. She's going to know in her heart that the answer is yes.
While these are just four of the innumerable places you might find yourself while courting the lovely ladies of U.Va., I think you can start to see a pattern forming out from the examples provided. Even if you can't, there are some acts that don't need a particular time or place. If you really like a girl, give her an unexpected gift at an unexpected time - thank you "Finding Forrester." Drop in on her when she's toughing it out at the library. Tell her she's beautiful in a language she can't understand to see if she blushes all the same. Most of all, you probably just want to be a nice guy. So with that, I bid you adieu and ask that you take it easy on the beautiful women bustling across Grounds. That's somebody's little girl rocking that mini skirt and strapless top. No need to go breaking hearts.\nAndy's column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at a.taylor@cavalierdaily.com.
Read More
Lending a hand during the finals push
By Abby Snowdon | YesterdayThe race to the end of the year has begun, and University groups have set up pit stops along the course to help students get to the finish line.
The spring fashion trend for you based on your college lifestyle
By Malone Morchower | 2 days agoIn 2024, decades of different styles have come back, culminating in a casual yet exciting fashion.
University gym culture uplifts student fitness
By Mia Tan | 3 days agoFor these students, the most Herculean gym pursuits are less about achieving the build of a Greek god and more about building long-lasting, healthy relationships with the gym.
