ATTENTION, UNIVERSITY AFFILIATES! In our ongoing effort to perpetually annoy and confuse our faculty, staff and student body, we here at ITC are pleased to announce, right here in this very humor column, the abolition of your current information warehouses, SIS and Collab and the subsequent advent of your brand-spanking new, totally incomprehensible information machine, DIE. All changes will be effective immediately. Any resistance to changes will be punished by e-mail address letter/digit jumblings or beheadings, depending on the severity of resistance.\nPerhaps you are wondering why ITC has decided to complicate things yet again. The first answer is simple - because our organization is based on futility and evil-doings. The second answer lies in the shortcomings of your two favorite Web sites, SIS and Collab. Allow me to explain ...\nBack in the old days, when bands like Matchbox 20 and Smash Mouth were popular, Al Gore's creation - aka "the Internet" - was merely in its primitive stages. Then when University President John T. Casteen, III realized he needed a place to store all of the students' personal information - such as phone numbers and middle initials - he took a giant risk and turned to the Internet for answers. For better or for worse
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