I had a really interesting experience the other night. Some girlfriends and I were invited to our Korean friend's house for a traditional Korean dinner. Excited to munch on some bulgogi and edamame, I was anxious to help her cook and prepare the meal. I arrived to one of the best-smelling kitchens I have ever been in, only to be sent off at once to sit down with the rest of the girls at the kitchen table. Despite my protests that I would be happy to help, I was faced with the usual cries of, "No, no, you just sit! Dinner should be ready soon!"
The thing is, the hostess was sitting at the table with us, too. The magnificent smells wafting in from the kitchen came thanks to the work of her boyfriend. It was surprising enough that this guy I had never met before was cooking a massive dinner for eight girls he didn't know. Her boyfriend is neither an aspiring chef nor a closet cook - he just decided to help her out with her little dinner party. As the food began to be served, he stayed in the kitchen and continued cooking. And when every serving dish of kimchi, bulgogi, rice, salad or fried zucchini looked like it was about to start getting low, he would immediately fill it back to the brim. It was like how I always imagined the serving dishes being magically filled by house elves during meals at Hogwarts.
Oranges were for dessert. Of course, he had peeled and separated every slice on a plate for us. And it didn't stop there. As the girls continued to chat and socialize, he proceeded to do all of the dishes and clean up the entire kitchen. I couldn't believe it. I'm all for breaking down gender roles, and my friend's boyfriend just about broke down them all. He was just so ... domestic! Helpful! And let's not forget that he was adept in navigating his way around cooking in and cleaning a kitchen.
I really wasn't used to this because although I love my boyfriend, he's not one for cooking. He's great about going out for dinner, but making a home-cooked meal is not really his thing. The last time he cooked for me was to bring me breakfast in bed. He fashioned together a fried egg on top of a greasy hamburger leftover from the night before, sandwiched them together between a big hamburger bun. Also known as a homemade Gusburger. As in, I got a Gusburger. For breakfast. At 9 a.m.
This lack of skillful cooking ability is adorable and endearing but really shows how sometimes our skill sets and knowledge can be in completely different arenas. Similarly, last spring, another friend asked her boyfriend to pick some daffodils from the gardens surrounding their apartment. She was hosting an Easter brunch and wanted some flowers in a vase for decoration. He didn't know exactly what daffodils were, so she described them: the pretty yellow flowers growing everywhere right in the garden out front. He left and returned a few minutes later with a fistful of dandelions in each hand. He brought dandelions - the fast-growing weed - with the intention of giving them to her to arrange in tall vases for decoration.
Again, these stories are sweet but represent some of the common discrepancies between what my girlfriends and I tend to focus on and what our boyfriends tend to focus on. That's why I was so impressed with the other night with his ease at maneuvering around the kitchen. I know plenty of men can cook and clean and sew and iron, and plenty of women can change a tire, throw a football and use a hammer. I don't at all mean to imply that these tasks are confined to one gender. I just aim to show how that no matter each guy's level of ability, whether it be cooking or deciphering different types of flowers, the fact that they were trying - regardless of their level of success in each attempt - meant much more than how it was carried out. The phrase may by trite, but it really is the thought that counts ... even if it results in a gift of floral weeds.\n\nJordan's column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
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