At the end of summer, my twin sister and I woke early for a sunrise paddle on the beach. Though we both enjoy being out there early, it’s generally something I prefer to do with my own friends. As the water reflected the newborn sun, I minded my own reflections. While I watched as my sister paddled for some waves, catching a couple and falling a few times, it occurred to me I’ve known her longer than anyone else in this world.
She was the first other human being I really got to know. From the beginning, by definition, we have been together. Through the time spent with one another, as well as apart, I know my sister. I know what makes her happy and what disappoints her. I know what she values and I respect that she makes up her own mind. I know very well how to irritate her, though I usually decide against it because I think I’d be more irritated with myself. That morning on the ocean, I saw she understood something I really love. And above all else, she wanted to spend time with me.
We are constantly spending time with people, whether that time involves serious activity or minimal effort. To a certain extent, we have the power to decide how well we might get to know someone. Some people might never quite click together, while other friendships may surprise you, but until you put in the time to get to know another person, you’ll never know who is who.
My group of friends in high school was based largely on our common interests. Our free time after school or on the weekends was spent doing things that we all loved. Whatever it was — getting out on the water, playing music or even just taking it easy, at the end of the day, the hours we logged together were what counted. Over the years, I have learned that the times in between the hurry of everyday life can be particularly lovely, and these moments of peace spent with a friend can expose the best in people. Within times of both excitement and calmness, I have gotten to know my friends especially well.
Here at the University, so much of our time is dominated by first learning the mechanics of college life, the ways in which everything works, in addition to the pressure of classes and outside involvement. We’re thrust into the fray with so many people we don’t know, and amidst the academic rigor, we have to find our friends. This can take time — we might have fun going out with each other, but relationships are dramatically improved by the time we spend doing other things. Only so much about how a person truly thinks or feels will be revealed at a party or a bar.
It’s not very fulfilling to be part of a group if you haven’t made an effort to seriously know anyone in it. That being said, it takes time to get there, apart from initially giving someone a chance. And that’s the important part — by knowing someone better, you understand more of what is behind the public face. Although it can be hard to cultivate those relationships, if you allow them to begin and take the opportunities to share the things that you love, or maybe try some new things, with other people, then they will continue to form. And it’s wonderful to know people well enough to hang out outside of just parties. On a college campus, when the world may be stressful and can feel lonely, the time invested in others makes all the difference, both for you and for them. In the end, it’s worth spending the time.
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