Dear John of Senior Year,
Hey it’s me, as in you, halfway through the college experience. Don’t freak out, but I gained 15 pounds. Oh don’t sass me, you needed it, Mr. Visible Rib Cage. It just grew on me once I stopped running. That reminds me, don’t freak out, but I stopped running. Are you freaking out? I feel like you’re freaking out. If it’s any consolation I tried first year, I really did. There are beautiful trails behind O-Hill, but running around just gets old without teammates.
But don’t worry, some things haven’t changed. I still wear the same outfit multiple days in a row, even though there’s no uniform anymore in college. “The Grapes of Wrath” is still our favorite book, and I still get made fun of for it just like you do. I still write for the school paper, too. I write hard-hitting, groundbreaking news stories. Or maybe I write about our love life to make people laugh. You can probably guess.
You won’t be surprised that I’m majoring in English. I am you after all, and you’re the guy who always reads the whole damn book for class.
“You can’t rely on SparkNotes to form a literary interpretation,” you say, “You don’t grow as a critical reader that way.” You judge the wingers who come into class without opening the book.
I hate to tell you this, but I’m an avid “Spark-noter.” The amount of discussions I’ve winged without cracking the cover would make your healthy runner heart stop. I know you vowed that you’d always do the reading after sophomore year. But the marginal utility of reading the whole book versus the SparkNotes just doesn’t justify the opportunity cost it would incur, bro.
What is utility? Opportunity cost? Oh no. I forgot — I wasn’t going to tell you, I’m not sure you can handle it. Well, don’t freak out but …
I’m also majoring in Economics.
Now, I know you’re freaking out. Instead of running in the woods I’m studying econ and reading SparkNotes. I’m your definition of a douchebag! I know you avoided AP Economics because you didn’t want your mind corrupted by business.
“What an impure thing to study, the transactions of men instead of their thoughts,” you muse.
First, I’ll let you know, sir, this is the 21st century and “men” is not a catch-all term for humanity. Second, Econ isn’t a soul-sucking path to employment, it’s a rational philosophy with sexy graphs. You probably still see studying Econ as giving up on our dreams though. I know you want to be a famous writer, but I just want a steady income, a family and to be happy, man.
What do I do for fun? Well, I know you loathe people who blather on about TV series, but I started watching “The Office” and got hooked. I text friends you haven’t met yet about plot twists that twisted years ago. “Casino Night” means nothing to you but oh boy it gets my feelings all stirred up. I still read books for fun. You can get mad that I’m doing fun reading while I’m using my assigned reading as a shelf for my dust collection, but there’s always something more you should be reading in college dude, you just need to stay afloat.
You haven’t gotten your yearbook yet, but I’ll tell you, people write “ily john, never change” all over it. But then you go and change. You become me, and we’re different people. And no offense, but I like me more. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a swell guy. I mean, I still work into a bunch of conversations that you’re Homecoming King. You’re more popular than I am, you might even be the better man. But you’ve never been kissed, drunk or employed! You need to go to college man, experience the world.
Read More
Collyn Clark reflects on Space Workforce 2030, building an inclusive space industry
By Carly Stender | 16 hours agoClark said programs such as the SWF 2030 internship can serve as launch pads for a career in the aerospace industry.
The White Spot: an iconic diner etched in student nightlife
By Alexa Graham | YesterdayThe White Spot is a timeless diner for Charlottesville residents and students looking for a greasy spoon infused with University spirit.
Dreaming of drunken noodles at Thai Cuisine and Noodle House
By Lizzy Goldstein | 4 days agoI was amazed by how the tamarind sauce and variety of spices created a cohesive link among all the dishes, tying the dinner together and leaving everyone feeling satiated.
