Every time I’m assigned a paper, they seem to come with the same caveat: They must be written in size 12 Times New Roman double spaced. Each time I’m faced with this stipulation, I groan internally. Times New Roman is so basic, so uncool. I like to think that I am neither basic nor uncool. If only I could carry my personality into my font choice. In my ideal world, I would be allowed to write in the obviously superior font, Courier New.
The fun and cool Courier New capitalizes on the vintage trend that’s hip with the kids these days. Everyone is always wearing thrift store clothes and listening to barbecue dad music these days to be more ~aesthetic~. Well, why not carry that into your writing as well? Whenever I write in Courier New, I feel like I’m that dude in “The Great Gatsby” banging away on a typewriter. What’s poppin’ old sport. Type type type.
We can all agree that the good fonts have serifs. A serif, for you font noobs, is the little liney thing on the bottom of the letters in cool fonts. Comic Sans doesn’t have serifs, which is why it is universally hated. People usually settle for the boring Times New Roman because it has the serifs but is bland enough to be low key. But who wants to be low key? I don’t. That is why I use Courier New whenever I have the option.
If you use Courier New, you’ll come across as a risk taker and someone who is not afraid to stand out from the crowd. Also, it conveys a sort of suave old-timeyness. When you graduate from college, I assume that interviewers may question if you are mature enough for the job. After all, it’s a pretty big jump from playing beer pong in a half-buttoned Hawaiian shirt to sitting in an office and dressing business casual. If you use Courier New, that’s not even a question. Writing like you’re using a typewriter is the pinnacle of maturity. You’re basically an old man. That is why I recommend using it on all of your resumes. Surely, any hiring person who reads a resume in Courier New would be so blown away by your taste in fonts that they would hire you on the spot.
Growing up, my teachers always told me that I was a shining star and that I should embrace what makes me unique. Why, then, are we now forced to conform to the same, unoriginal font? It’s not like I’m trying to write in something crazy like Wingdings (although if that is your preferred font, all the more power to you). Having a plethora of fonts but only allowing one is like taking a kid to an ice cream store, then telling them they can only have a gross flavor, like cookies and cream. Let me live, haters.
In the past, there have been several attempted default font coups. Way back when people still used Microsoft Word, they attempted the failed Calibri Revolution. For those who use Google Docs, you may have noticed the attempted Arial Upheaval. However, these movements failed because they lacked the je ne sais quois to gain public support. Friends, WE can be the generation to finally overthrow Times New Roman. It won’t be easy, but if we work together we can make a change. Long live Courier New!
Katie McCracken is a Humor Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.
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