College means freedom. For some reason, back in high school, your parents thought that JUST because they fed, housed, clothed and drove you that they had the right to tell you what to do. Now, you’re a 100 percent independent college kid — well except for the few bucks that the ‘rents spot you for tuition and housing but that can’t be too much right? You can do WHATEVER you want — sleep until 3 p.m., go out on a Tuesday night, skip those pesky classes (there’s always SOMEONE trying to ruin your fun huh?). But most importantly you can DATE whoever you please. There are so many fish in the sea, but how do you even start? Profess your love to that cute girl in class who you’ve admired for a semester but never said a word to? Take somebody on a date to Newcomb dining hall? Buy somebody a drink and HOPE that they have a 5 minute conversation with you in return? No worries reader, yours truly will guide you through everything you need to know to successfully date at U.Va.
What are you looking for in a partner? Somebody to chill with? Somebody smarter than you to help you with your classes? Some eye-candy so your old friends on Instagram will know that you’re cool now? Whatever the case, with our *super diverse* student population, you’re sure to find somebody you vibe with. I mean, we have people from ALL over: Northern Virginia, Richmond and even Virginia Beach! How exotic!
Clubs are definitely a good starting point to find somebody with similar interests. For example, you can join UGuides if you’re looking for people who enjoy telling you they’re in UGuides, the Jefferson Society if you want an intellectual who’s never free Friday nights or perhaps an acapella group if you dream of being serenaded with a One Direction song. Applying to Comm clubs will help you learn the most important party of dating — getting used to rejection. Of course, there’s always The Cavalier Daily, and I heard the new humor columnist is pretty cute.
Classes work just as well! Trust me, hitting on people in your group project is completely socially acceptable. It’s not like they can’t just stop talking to you if they aren’t interested! Besides, you’re a busy student, and combining flirting and studying saves so much time. Also, if you are crushing on somebody in your class, you’ll be super motivated to do well! How else do you think I survived accounting?
Finally, for the lazy people out there, there’s always Tinder. You can swipe right and left in the comfort of your own home. Make sure to upload some good (unrealistic) pictures of yourself! Group pictures are definitely a good idea, maybe she’ll confuse you with your more attractive friends and swipe right! The matches will start rolling in in no time, but most of them will probably go to James Madison University or be high schoolers. Once you’ve found somebody who actually goes here, all you have to do is send a witty first message. Something that will help you stand out from the rest of the pack. Something super original like “hey what’s up?” would be perfect.
Now for the actual date. Unless you’re one of the lucky few with a car, you’re basically stuck with somewhere on the Corner. Anywhere besides Sheetz should work. Snatch some flowers from Garden VI if you want to make a good impression. What do you even talk about though? How much money your dad makes? How many Instagram followers you have? How much Tech sucks? If you want to take my word for it, the best thing to do is take an interest in the other person. What makes them tick? What makes them get out of bed in the morning (besides their 9 AM). And, most importantly, do they snore? When it comes time to pay the bill, fellas, we know the appropriate thing to do. But say, theoretically, if you *accidentally* forgot your wallet, a promise to Venmo them later works just as well.
Nobody said dating would be easy. But, one day, when you finally have a date to that formal, you’ll realize it was all worth it. That is, until you see your grades at the end of the semester.
Eshaan Sarup is a Humor Columnist at The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at email@example.com.