The Jeffy’s: a U.Va. award show in print

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Humor columnist Katie McCracken gives out this year’s Jeffy Awards — a very real award show.

Courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Ladies and gentlemen of the University — and those baby boomer alumni who love to read, and hate on, Cav Daily articles — welcome to the first annual Jeffy’s — a U.Va. award show in print.  Each category is selected by me and each winner is selected by me, too, because this is my article, and I’ll do whatever I gosh darn please.  Without further ado, here are this year’s victors.

Best Bathroom: Nau Second Floor

The Nau Hall second floor bathroom is the real hidden gem of the University.  It’s usually clean, empty and relatively un-smelly.  What really seals the deal is the beautiful oval mirror and ornate tiling over the sinks, perfect for taking selfies, which I never do, obviously, because I’m cool. 10/10, would recommend if you’re trying to up your Instagram game.

Best Starbucks: Dunkin’ Donuts at 1172 Richmond Road

Yes, you need a car to get here, and yes, it’s technically not on Grounds, but I will stan Dunkin’ Donuts until the day I die.  

Best Dining Hall: None

I shake my head in pity when I see droves of first years swipe into any of these trash dining halls for an overpriced bowl of yogurt.  If you have a meal plan after first year, just know I’m judging you. Hard. Learn how to make yourself a sandwich, please.

Best Place to Study: Clem 1

Clem 1, I’m so glad you’re back bby.  Alderman and Clark just don’t cut it. Clem 1 has the blissful silence of the other two main libraries, but a better social scene if you walk upstairs for a much needed study break.  Although the newly renovated Clem 1 doesn’t have the charm or anxiety-inducing decor that used to motivate me to study until the wee hours of the morning, I have to admit the moving bookshelves are kind of cool.

Best Food Truck: Dumplings

This one is a no brainer. As any student who has waited in line for 30+ minutes will tell you, this s—t is dope.  If I’m ever on death row I’m requesting the pork dumplings with seaweed salad and peanut noodles as my final meal.

Best Crosswalk: Brandon Avenue

I know I’m not alone when I say the sick beat of “Brandon Avenue. Walk sign is on to cross Brandon Avenue” has made me bust a move on more than one occasion.  Although crossing the street here at peak class times can be stressful, it’s worth it to hear that bop on repeat.

Best Controversy of 2019: A$AP Ferg Welcome Week Performance

Sure it was offensive. But if you really think about it, this concert was the perfect way to welcome students to U.Va. After all, is misogyny not one of the core values the University was founded on? Seriously, they named buildings after eugenicists but wouldn’t admit women until 1970!

Best Place to Sit and Ponder Why You Decided to Pursue Higher Education in the First Place: The Window Ledges in New Cabell

If you haven’t sat on one of the window ledges in New Cabell, peering out into the garden below on a drizzly autumn day, do you even go to U.Va.? It really puts your entire life and all of the mistakes you’ve made up to this point into perspective. Bonus points if you listen to a sad song while doing it. I recommendAll Too Well” by Taylor Swift. Issa vibe.  

Best Addition to The Good Old Song: F—k Tech

Hey, anything beats the other one, right?

Congratulations to all of this year’s winners! If your favorite spot didn’t make the cut, comment below and maybe they’ll be considered next year. Thank you and have a good night!

Katie McCracken is a Humor Columnist at The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.

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