Tell The History Of Now
The Cavalier Daily
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An ode to media of which I am a participant

<p>Use good sources, don’t cut corners. Let’s move the media forwards.</p>

Use good sources, don’t cut corners. Let’s move the media forwards.

Use good sources, don’t cut corners. Let’s move the media forwards.

An epigraph:

“Roses are red, violets are blue. 

This article will be bad, just like last week’s, too.”


This is a critique of the 24-hour news cycle –

of CNN, of Fox (I’m averse),

of CBS LA’s anchor Jeff Michael,

of Facebook being a news source.

It’s a critique of the coverage of Trump’s re-election 

and of all the dads who get in fights in the comments section.

This whole article isn’t really an article. 

It’s just me googling words that rhyme and trying to fit them in. 

Maybe farcical? 

But I hope you learn something — maybe it will be absorbable. 

I am just trying to prove the point 

that our daily news is disjoint. 

My articles are allowed to look like Mad Magazine,

But Tucker Carlson’s news broadcast shouldn’t sound like he’s 15. 

Trump can’t kick Acosta out when he was calling for answers. 

All I can say is, R.I.P. Sarah Sanders. 

Chris Cuomo, I don’t need you to spend 55 percent of your news show on some tweet. 

Just the facts on the current events would be sweet. 

If I see one more anchor say

“correction on our previous statement,” 

I will have a serious, life-ending conniption 

and ask for a replacement. 

And Al Roker, I really don’t need you to tell me about 

the boy from New York who filmed

a raccoon water skiing on a lake. 

I’m sure it’s fake. 

Speaking of fake, let’s talk about the elephant in the room —  

the monster that’s been birthed from social media’s womb.








but not all teenagers on their phones 






I’m talking edited photos and Facebook bots, 

spliced audio and rumors covered on primetime news slots. 

Elections are around the corner — let’s talk. 

I can’t wait to learn nothing from the two-minute clock 

ticking down as the candidates just spew 

about how they’re known for passing some law 

back in a year when I wasn’t around. 

Why does SEO and readability

impede actual news content and civility? 

And the subjectivity of almost all of it 

is making a lot of it untrustworthy. 

Hopefully my subjectivity

isn’t getting in the way of my affability. 

We need the news and the media. 

It’s a check — how we stay informed.

I just need them to sometimes use an encyclopedia

and not Wikipedia. 

Use good sources, don’t cut corners.

Let’s move the media forwards.

Cate Streissguth is a Humor Columnist at The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at