Use good sources, don’t cut corners. Let’s move the media forwards.
“Roses are red, violets are blue.
This article will be bad, just like last week’s, too.”
This is a critique of the 24-hour news cycle –
of CNN, of Fox (I’m averse),
of CBS LA’s anchor Jeff Michael,
of Facebook being a news source.
It’s a critique of the coverage of Trump’s re-election
and of all the dads who get in fights in the comments section.
This whole article isn’t really an article.
It’s just me googling words that rhyme and trying to fit them in.
But I hope you learn something — maybe it will be absorbable.
I am just trying to prove the point
that our daily news is disjoint.
My articles are allowed to look like Mad Magazine,
But Tucker Carlson’s news broadcast shouldn’t sound like he’s 15.
Trump can’t kick Acosta out when he was calling for answers.
All I can say is, R.I.P. Sarah Sanders.
Chris Cuomo, I don’t need you to spend 55 percent of your news show on some tweet.
Just the facts on the current events would be sweet.
If I see one more anchor say
“correction on our previous statement,”
I will have a serious, life-ending conniption
and ask for a replacement.
And Al Roker, I really don’t need you to tell me about
the boy from New York who filmed
a raccoon water skiing on a lake.
I’m sure it’s fake.
Speaking of fake, let’s talk about the elephant in the room —
the monster that’s been birthed from social media’s womb.
but not all teenagers on their phones
I’m talking edited photos and Facebook bots,
spliced audio and rumors covered on primetime news slots.
Elections are around the corner — let’s talk.
I can’t wait to learn nothing from the two-minute clock
ticking down as the candidates just spew
about how they’re known for passing some law
back in a year when I wasn’t around.
Why does SEO and readability
impede actual news content and civility?
And the subjectivity of almost all of it
is making a lot of it untrustworthy.
Hopefully my subjectivity
isn’t getting in the way of my affability.
We need the news and the media.
It’s a check — how we stay informed.
I just need them to sometimes use an encyclopedia
and not Wikipedia.
Use good sources, don’t cut corners.
Let’s move the media forwards.
Cate Streissguth is a Humor Columnist at The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.