Every year, the graduating class Trustees release a list of things fourth-years should do before they graduate. Some of the ideas are great — hug Ms. Kathy, cheer at a Lady Hoos athletic event and dress up for Trick Or Treating on the Lawn. Unfortunately, some of these items need a little revamp.
1. Run with Jim Ryan
President Jim Ryan really loves to run. It seems like he’s always running — he probably even dreams about it. I do not run. My knees are too weak, and my physical therapist told me to avoid it. So how am I supposed to run with Jim Ryan now? Not to mention he probably does a 5K every morning, which I could only do if I wanted my lungs to explode. Please, choose another activity for those of us that aren’t so athletically talented.
2. Give back to the University with a Class gift
I just gave the University four years worth of tuition, and they have the audacity to ask me for more money before I even graduate? Unfortunately, I am not getting a high-paying job straight out of college at some consulting firm or law office, so I will not magically have more money to donate. Sorry U.Va., but my net worth is only about $75, and I need that money for groceries.
3. Read for pleasure
I commend anyone that has time to read for pleasure. I get so burnt out from reading for my classes that just looking at a book makes me tired. These days, I only have for “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” or watching TikToks. Basically, I like activities that take very little brain power because I use too much of it in class.
4. Ride a Bird or Lime
I don’t dislike this activity because electric scooters are dangerous — even though they can be. I dislike this entry because it’s not exciting enough. Why not try a double-rider trip? Or hold hands with another rider? Or maybe go as fast as you can down a hill? We also don’t have Bird scooters anymore, which is unfortunate because I still have an $8 credit on the app.
5. Attend a class you’re not enrolled in
I am not brave enough to show up to a random class. Can you imagine the stares? Sure, I’ve gone to classes I’m not enrolled in because I’ve been invited, but I don’t know how common that is, and even then I feel out of place. The list needs some entries for the more socially-awkward students — like me.
6. Check out a book from a library
I think this was included on the list as a throwaway entry just in case there’s someone that’s never been to a sporting event and sang the “Good Ol’ Song” or made a late night food run. Personally, I’d love to meet someone who has never had to check out a book from the library. How did you make it out without having to do any research?
7. Meet first-years living in your old dorm
Why on earth would I want to revisit my first-year dorm? I’m not jumping at the chance to relive the memories of having my USB drive stolen, the blistering heat of Old Dorms or the barf in the bathroom after a wild weekend. Plus, first-years have too much pep. They’re still happy and excited about being in college and living on their own for the first time. Wait till the first-year flu terrorizes your dorm and finals kick your butt, then we can talk.
8. Visit the Community Garden
Do people even know where the Community Garden is? If not, it’s that weird patch of dead plants across from O’Hill. In all my four years at this school, I have never seen anyone gardening there. Even their Facebook page says the garden is on hiatus. I don’t know how much research goes into each of these entries to see if they’re still relevant, but maybe it’s time for an update.
9. Check out Edgar Allan Poe’s room
If you remember my previous article — Top 10 weirdest things about U.Va. — then you’ll understand how I feel about the University’s obsession with Edgar Allan Poe. It’s not that I don’t like his works, but he attended the University for less than a year and had to drop out due to gambling debt. Since when is a gambling addiction something to celebrate? His name is also spelled wrong on the list — oof.
10. Participate in the midnight snowball fight
Imagine you’re a fourth-year trying to complete the list of things to do before you graduate and you only have one thing left on your list — participate in the midnight snowball fight. But this year, what if it doesn’t get cold enough to snow or snow barely accumulates an inch? What are you supposed to do now? I think we’ve seen such small amounts of snow since we began school in 2016 that us fourth-years should choose a new activity — food fight, anyone?