Hi Bouche. It's me, Dorothea. Remember? I auditioned for you before the apocalypse and got summarily rejected. I think I got rejected simply because I dared to push the bounds of improv, to take the games to a whole new level.
I know y’all normally mime props. That's like,"your thing." But what's so wrong with using a real prop? The scene will be too realistic? The jokes will be too funny? I even brought my own prop so you wouldn't have to provide. Yes, admittedly it was a knife, and yes, I did pull it out in a heated scene and threaten to stab someone, but I had simply gotten too absorbed into the world we created together. I was too lost in the moment, and frankly I think my partner was not absorbed enough, because he panicked as soon as I pulled it out. Where was the commitment to the scene? What happened to “the show must go on?” Trying to cut the scene short because you were “scared for your life” and going to “call the police” was an absolutely amateur move, if I do say so myself. Not only do you all have a stick up your you-know-what about how to do "correct improv," you're also quitters. I shouldn't have been surprised.
The worst part is that you had a chance to salvage it. You could have saved the whole thing, with one simple modification. Because I will admit it — calling the cops was in character. Not necessarily where I would have chosen to go with the scene, but it was a valid choice, and we all know the first rule of improv — “Yes, and.” I wasn’t about to contradict your decision and cause the scene to come to a halt. I am a professional, unlike some people, and I can work with whatever is thrown at me. So I played along. I stayed in character, much as you should have done. But whatever. It’s fine. I’m not mad about it.
What I am mad about is that you brought more people into the scene without confirming with me beforehand! Games have a preassigned amount of characters, first of all, and we were playing Oscar-winning moment, not character bus! I didn’t even know these two guys, how was I supposed to vibe with them? And they were wearing police uniforms when they walked in, which made their characters way too concrete to work with. It’s like they had never even done improv before. But, improv master that I am, I continued the scene regardless. And even though we left the original location, got in a police car, went down to the station, and introduced another character (a lawyer, so points for originality), I knew that the show must go on. As another member had not yet run across the stage, the scene was not over. It was only when my friend came to pay bail and stepped in front of me that I knew I could finally rest.
Because of this incident, I must say I am almost glad I got rejected. The best outcome is to be part of an even greater improv group, and with that in mind I introduce my newest brainchild — Bouche 2: Even Bouchier. That’s right folks, I’m starting my own group, and everyone is welcome to join! This won’t be a normal improv group, however. This will be improv 2 — new and improved. Now, instead of miming things and hoping the audience understands, we will simply use real props! And instead of having to improvise, we will simply script the scenes beforehand to make them funnier! It’s the future of improv, baby, and we’ll be at the forefront.
Dorothea LeBeau is a humor columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at email@example.com