For as long as I can remember, college has been described to me as a time for exploration, extending beyond academic pursuits to include friendships, sexuality and romantic connections. From the steady stream of relationship updates and situationship stories I hear from friends, I know that, for many, romance is a prominent part of the social scene on Grounds. While I’ve watched many of my friends flourish in the dating scene, my own time at the University has centered far less on dating and far more on friendship.
I’ve been single for my entire life. Unless, of course, you count the two-day relationship I had in seventh grade with a guy I broke up with on Valentine’s Day. We all have our regrets. Aside from that short-lived — but incredibly serious — middle school romance, I've yet to officially date anyone.
My singleness, however, is not accompanied by desperation or longing for a partner in ways some might assume. Rather, it has largely been the result of a personal decision to refrain from dating. I made this choice in high school, during a period when I began to think more seriously about my long-term goals and realized that I didn’t know myself quite as well as I thought I did. As a result, prioritizing self-understanding and embracing my independence felt more important at that point in my life than pursuing a romantic relationship. Even now, in college, my independence remains a priority as I continue to grow clearer about who I am and what I want.
What I didn't anticipate, however, was that this choice would deepen my appreciation for female friendships. Although singleness is often portrayed as temporary or undesirable in discussion among peers, I have found fulfillment in close friendships without experiencing a persistent longing for a romantic relationship.
That said, I would be remiss to suggest that I intend to remain single forever. I imagine that someday, a significant other will be a special addition to my life. Still, provided the time and space that singleness affords, my closest friendships, most of which are with women, have naturally become the relationships I rely on most. Rather than replacing the idea of a future romance, these friendships have, in many ways, made me more open to it by reshaping how I understand connection and love.
The women in my life consistently offer a kind of unconditional love. Their support isn’t tied to who I am on my best days or what I can give in return. It is simply there, no matter the circumstance. Because of them, I’ve learned that real love isn’t transactional. That is, it doesn't disappear in moments of conflict or when I fall short. Instead, it remains steady and dependable, becoming the standard by which I now understand all meaningful connections.
What makes these friendships feel especially meaningful for me is how different they are from the ones I experienced growing up. Earlier friendships often felt fragile, shaped by miscommunication and comparison. Conflict, in many cases, signaled an ending to friendship rather than an opportunity for growth. In contrast, the friendships I’ve formed in this stage of my life are not defined by the absence of difficulty, but by a shared willingness to work through it and grow alongside one another rather than apart.
This difference is evident not only in how we communicate, but in how we show up for one another in everyday moments. Just the other night, a friend stayed on the phone with me while I walked home in the dark. On other occasions, I’ve offered to be my friends’ emergency contact when they’ve needed an excuse to leave early from an uncomfortable date. In moments like these, my friends and I feel a responsibility to look out for one another in a way that makes us feel a little less alone in our day-to-day struggles.
Over the past three years, female friends have offered a kind of intimacy, vulnerability and emotional support that I once assumed belonged primarily to romantic partners. I think of the many times they have sat listening to me as I poured out my deepest and most personal emotions, making me feel seen in ways few others could. Especially since coming to the University, I’ve come to understand that the relationships that are most fulfilling to me are those grounded in emotional honesty.
That sense of care has shaped my understanding of what it means to love and be loved with intention. I want to cultivate romantic partnerships that are similarly attentive, where care is not only expressed in grand declarations but also in thoughtful actions.
My female friendships are also defined by a deep sense of connection — one that is rooted in a shared willingness to be vulnerable and the recognition that we have lived through similar experiences.
I was reminded of this last semester when I first met someone who has since become one of my close friends. For days, we exchanged the usual small talk before class — quick conversations about assignments and weekend plans. But one day our conversation shifted to our experiences in high school, and we realized that we faced similar challenges during that period. What began as a casual conversation before class developed into something more honest, and that moment of shared vulnerability ultimately laid the groundwork for our friendship.
Of course, this kind of closeness doesn’t always come effortlessly. It requires a willingness to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable, which is a standard that I now realize I will carry into my romantic relationships. Friendships have shown me that the most meaningful connections aren’t built on surface-level attraction or convenience, but on a desire to be known deeply by one another.
Although I have yet to experience a romantic relationship of my own, my closest friends have already shown me that healthy relationships are grounded in trust, openness and mutual respect. Through them, I’ve learned that meaningful connections don’t have to be based in romance, but that platonic relationships are equally capable of offering emotional fulfillment. In fact, I’d argue that friendships can sometimes be more fulfilling, if only because they’re often less burdened by the expectations that accompany romantic relationships. But, then again, I'll have to get back to you on this once I've officially dated someone.
When the time comes for me to explore dating, I will have clear standards and a strong sense of what I deserve, all thanks to the wonderful women who surround me.
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