Peyton Manning, middle son of football’s First Family, has more accolades than U.Va. has Patagonia fleeces. The first overall pick in the 1998 NFL Draft, he set five rookie records with the Indianapolis Colts, then proceeded to become one of the best — if not the best — quarterbacks in the league.
He boasts four MVP awards, 12 Pro Bowl selections and a Super Bowl Championship to his name. Sports Illustrated and Fox Sports named him the player of the decade for the 2000s, and after missing the 2011 season from neck surgery, Manning promptly returned to form and won the 2012 Comeback Player of the Year Award.
His resume tops out with a number of DirecTV commercials and stints as host of Saturday Night Live. And, as we learned Saturday, Manning has earned what is surely the greatest accomplishment of his career: keynote speaker at the University’s 2014 Valedictory Exercises.
I’m a fourth-year, I’ll be at the Valediction and Manning will be addressing my classmates and me. What will he have to say? What can we learn from Peyton Manning?
Maybe he’ll crack some jokes about his little brother, or maybe he’ll craft a grand analogy of football and life. Maybe he’ll even try to sell us football on our phones! More than likely, he’ll expound upon the merits of hard work and determination.
Heard that before.
No offense to Manning, but most of us at the University have done the “work hard, never quit” song and dance since we were about 7 years old. Maybe, as we begin our transition into the “real world,” we’d like to hear something a bit different. What if, instead of good old reliable Peyton, other players offered their wisdom? Things could get pretty colorful — and now we’re talking.
(At this point, the author would like to clarify that she was thrilled at the announcement of Manning as Valediction speaker. She also firmly believes in hard work and determination, but that is just not fun to write about at all.)
From stomping on arms to kicking men in the groin, Ndamukong Suh is probably the dirtiest player in the entire NFL and shows little remorse for it. His Week 1 low block fine of $100,000 — the largest ever for an on-field action — brings his career total to $177,500 in fines. Any advice Suh has for fourth-years would be troubling: If you can pay the fine, you can get away with anything. So much for the Honor Code, I guess.
Matt Flynn has had a rough career. He has spent most of his time in the NFL as a backup to Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson, and earlier this week he was released from his starting role with the Oakland Raiders — a far cry from the BCS National Championship he won with Louisiana State in 2007. Flynn’s advice? Your college years are your glory days — don’t leave.
Alex Smith may not have Flynn’s luck, but last year he watched from the sidelines as his former backup led the 49ers to the Super Bowl. Smith is currently undefeated with the Kansas City Chiefs, but his release from San Francisco must have stung. Thus, in lieu of an original speech I like to think that Smith would have quoted a cult classic. “Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar…We should totally just stab Caesar!”
Iconic Pittsburgh strong safety Troy Polamalu is known for the high-flying, hard-hitting defense that made him the 2010 Defensive Player of the Year. He’s also known for his hair. Polamalu’s advice for fourth-years would be the same advice that he might have given to Clay Matthews: Lather, rinse, repeat. Then own that ponytail! Work that updo!
Everyone knows the Michael Vick story, and were Vick the Valediction speaker, I’m sure he’d offer a legitimate reflection on making wise choices and not wasting a second chance. But not only did he cause innocent dogs to suffer in horrible ways, but Vick was also a Hokie. There’s no way he’d get to speak at Valediction. Moving on.
Conversely, Matt Schaub is a Virginia success story. He may have a bad case of the Michael Rocco bug — you know, the one that makes you throw costly interceptions — but all he’d have to say at Valediction is “Wahoowa” and I’d support it.
Shelf-stocking, Arena Football League-playing extraordinaire Kurt Warner is one of the best-known stories in football. After a modest start, Warner became a key facet of the St. Louis Rams’ “Greatest Show on Turf.” As a Valediction speaker he would undoubtedly prove to us the importance of believing in oneself, working hard, and determin… wait. This sounds familiar. Next.
New York Jets fans are enjoying a season that, so far, looks much better than the mess that was 2012-13. Rookie Geno Smith is probably enjoying himself just as much as the fans are. He has shined in his role as starting quarterback since replacing the injured — and awful — Mark Sanchez. Schadenfreude means taking pleasure in others’ misfortune, and in his speech, Smith would tell us to embrace it. As for Sanchez, 40-week SportsCenter “Not Top 10” champion … well, he’d probably just recommend never doing anything too stupid because it might haunt you for a long, long time.
On May 17, Peyton Manning will arrive in Charlottesville to impart his wisdom onto the University community. Manning is personable and intelligent, and his speech will likely be both funny and insightful. He could talk about education, football, family, practical jokes and anything in between. No, he probably won’t quote “Mean Girls,” but it would be excellent if he did. We’ll just have to wait and see.
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