It seems you’re about to read this column despite the ominous warning in its title, rebel that you are. I knew you’d be unable to resist reading on after I subjected you to the oldest, most time-tested mind game in all of history — the dangle and yank.
Admittedly, “dangle and yank” may not be the official name for this trick. But whatever you decide to call this sneaky maneuver, the principle remains — it has a 94.3 percent proven success rate*, with little planning or effort required on your part.
The dangle and yank works as follows: first, picture something you’d like to have — nothing absolutely vital, but something that would provide a moment of happiness. Second, firmly insist you cannot, under any circumstances, obtain this object. Finally, sit back and wait for results.
The mind plays a cruel game of desire in which the more intensely we force ourselves to stay away from something, the more attention and brainpower we devote to it. Even while reminding ourselves how bad something will be, we inadvertently allot a disproportionate amount of thought to anything designated off-limits.
Consider how often this pattern repeats itself every day of our lives. For anyone having trouble, I have provided a few examples for your convenience.
- After the gym, we say we absolutely cannot have ice cream. It will ruin that workout.
- At the library, we will ourselves to focus — absolutely no Buzzfeed quizzes about obscure food items.
- While out one Friday night enjoying our youth, we tell ourselves, “I am not texting him/her tonight. Seriously this time.”
In most cases, we end up succumbing to the temptation of what deny ourselves. At one time or another, we all fall victim to late-night desserts and pointless study procrastination. We all shamefully sneak a hand into the proverbial cookie jar. So, why do we bother denying ourselves the things we ultimately know we will have despite the effort to resist?
Don’t misunderstand my meaning — sometimes self-denial is not only beneficial but absolutely necessary for our well-being. Someone dedicated to a healthy diet should turn down lunch at McDonald’s, and a person with mounting credit card debt would be wise walk away from an expensive dress at a local boutique.
Recently, though, I’ve realized it’s unrealistic to avoid all guilty pleasures. And perhaps the strangest part of the struggle is how we only seem to crave these objects when we can’t have them — once you actually hold them in your palm, they lose their allure.
Furthermore, on multiple occasions this year I’ve forced myself to resist going out in favor of chaining myself down at the library because of assignments or looming exams. Sometimes I keep these promises, but when I fail, I feel a slight shadow of disappointment.
The nights were average. Did I have fun? Sure. Was it a glamorous night I want to relive forever, and tell my kids about while wistfully recounting my college years? No. I probably should have studied.
So, food for thought: if we stop barring ourselves so harshly from the simple pleasures we desire, would their power over us disappear? If we eat junk food on occasion without a second thought, or text someone “off limits” without painstakingly planning the message’s semantics, maybe we could separate these things from their attached anxiety.
Ultimately, I know few things with certainty. But I do feel confident in saying there are worse things — things more worthy of resistance — than ice cream, or that guy from last weekend.
*It’s possible this is a fake statistic I just invented to prove a point.
Alyssa’s column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at a.passarelli@cavalierdaily.com.
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