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SIEGEL: The double standard of public affairs

In high profile cheating scandals, men earn redemption while women receive only blame

When we watch a criminal exit the courtroom on the arms of policemen or witness the expulsion of a student in the wake of an honor offense, we consider this question: How long should it take for someone to pay for their mistake? In the case of love affairs, as opposed to the criminal justice system, the answer varies depending on gender. I believe society is much harder on women than men when it comes to forgiveness in the wake of an infidelity scandal.

In 2001, Monica Lewinsky participated in a Q&A session for an HBO documentary on her affair with President Bill Clinton. A man in the audience raised his hand to ask the question, “How does it feel to be America’s premier blow-job queen?” Lewinsky waited several moments before answering the question, taken aback by its obscenity. She looked straight at the man who asked the question and said, “It’s hurtful and it’s insulting… I don’t actually know why this whole story became about oral sex. I don’t… The fact that it did is maybe a result of a male-dominated society.” While Lewinsky made the poor choice of having a secret relationship with a married man, she took the majority of the criticism in the aftermath of the affair. He had the power to paint her as “that woman,” thus tainting her image. She firmly claims the relationship was consensual, yet “‘abuse’ came in the aftermath, when [she] was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position.” Clinton bowed out of the public eye for a brief period of time, yet he retained his position as president, while our nation had no problem plastering Lewinsky’s mishaps all over the media. We shunned Lewinsky’s efforts to regain control, yet welcomed any and all details of her affair. We stalled her future while we sustained her past. Women like Lewinsky become social representations of “the mistress,” while the men bow out of the public eye temporarily, only to be welcomed back into the workplace with open arms.

Paula Broadwell and General David Petraeus both received unwanted attention for their affair. These standouts in their respective areas of expertise fell hard in the wake of their exposure; however, one may have fallen harder than the other in this so-called consensual relationship. While Petraeus resigned from his military intelligence position and is currently serving his two years of probation, he is now a partner in a private equity firm in New York. For Broadwell, on the other hand, this affair “has become a lasting stain” on her career and life, forever tainting her previously celebrated accomplishments.

I am not proposing that men are at all fully to blame for these scandals, but I do wonder why women do not have defenders like men do in the wake of these situations. The balance is all wrong. Interestingly, Hillary Clinton partially blamed herself for her husband’s affair. Lewinsky explains she finds Clinton’s “impulse to blame the woman — not only me, but herself — troubling.” Jessica Bennett explains in an article on the Petraeus/Broadwell affair: “Mr. Petraeus had many defenders… Ms. Broadwell did not. She said she never heard from her best friend.”

At the heart of this inequality, it is clear we still have a problem with powerful women and their success. We are still not used to women being in charge; with every crack in the glass ceiling, it is subsequently restored. In order to crack it permanently, men and women need to make a stronger effort in clearing the path for other women to follow. When a love affair becomes public, the woman conveniently takes the fall; she is judged harshly and shunned for fear of controversy. Underneath this particular mistreatment of women exists the root problem of placing women into a box defined by some rather traditional ideas about a woman’s role in society. I ask that we focus on the equal treatment of men and women when lust comes into play in an effort to eliminate this double standard of public affairs and continue to chip away at the glass ceiling.

Lucy Siegel is an Opinion columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at l.siegel@cavalierdaily.com.

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