Fine, classic pieces of art are what keep civilization moving forward. Without a couple of Rembrandts to look at, you know for sure humanity would suffer a quick and gruesome demise. World War III hasn’t happened several times because of Monet. It is fine art alone that keeps the savage tendencies of the human race at bay; one of the gravest crimes I could imagine is endangering a piece of fine art in any possible way. However, human depravity remains a force to be reckoned with, and many errant souls fight against what is innately good for them! This brings me to my point: we need to stop jinxing the Mona Lisa.
Seriously, we need to stop talking, thinking and dreaming about bad things that could happen to the Mona Lisa. For example, if you like to consider that the Mona Lisa might fall and get cut on a knife in a security guard’s back pocket, then you are part of the problem. Once any idea such as this is proposed, some cosmic forces will increase the probability of it occurring. In layman’s terms, this is what people are referring to when they say “jinx.” While some people know of jinxes as those things you have to do when two people say a word in unison, they are partially mistaken. That is what we call a “beverage jinx” and only applies to the odds of you drinking soda pop.
If you ever hear a friend say, “What if someone sneezed on the Mona Lisa with a mouth full of vinegar and sunflower seeds and destroyed it?” you should promptly silence them any way you see fit. Just because your friend hypothetically said this in a purely hypothetical situation, doesn’t mean that it can’t do real damage. If this idea were to get into anyone’s head then the Louvre better install a sneeze shield.
What if you wear a shirt that reads, “Imagine that some kidnappers mistake the Mona Lisa as a child and steal her”? Don’t do it — a kidnapper could read your shirt! I imagine if a kidnapper even once read those words he would be catalyzed into art thievery right then. A better idea is to wear a shirt that says “loose lips jinx art.”
Keep these dangerous ideas to yourself and don’t do something silly like publish them in a newspaper.
Sam Padgett is a Humor writer.
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