1. Rotunda steps
If it’s late at night and you’re near the Rotunda steps, chances are you may already be naked from a lovely moonlit streak. Undressing is half of the act, and since you’re already halfway to your end goal, what’s to stop you from bumping uglies right there? Maybe the Ambassadors or the lights or the Lawnies, but that’s quitters’ talk.
2. A Pavilion garden
I understand that the Rotunda steps might not be everyone’s speed. It’s kind of the center of the University and home to a bunch of your fellow students, so privacy is somewhat limited. But maybe there’s just something about the history of the Lawn that really gets you going, so I recommend moving to a Pavilion garden for more seclusion. Just be careful which one you choose. You really have to consider which facet of the University community you would be most comfortable with catching you in their backyard in the middle of a midnight frickle frackle.
3. Observatory Hill
O-Hill could be very romantic depending on the night you go out there. Bring a blanket and some candles, and you’ve got the perfect setting for some coitus lit by the stars. Now that it’s getting colder out, maybe try to go on a warmer night or bring some extra blankets. If you forget, fear not — your lover will keep you warm.
4. Scott Stadium
It would be pretty cool to do the forbidden polka in the end zone of Scott Stadium — the stadium is so big that it would definitely be an experience to remember. I haven’t totally figured out the logistics of this one, but it would sure be a feat if you could manage to pull it off. This should be obvious, but please only attempt this at night when the stadium is not in use. It would be embarrassing to try this in the middle of a game.
5. Under the ginkgo tree
When the ginkgo tree’s leaves start to change, it is simply breathtaking. Breathtaking enough to go there for some hanky panky? Absolutely. I don’t know much about the texture of ginkgo bark, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just watch out for the squirrels — college squirrels are a whole different breed from regular squirrels. They will not shy away, and they will go for the kill.
6. Nau Hall
You’d be lying if you said there wasn’t something about Nau that gets you going. The aesthetic is too pristine, and the lighting is too perfect for you to not feel something. There are many hidden niches with chairs and benches that are perfect for doing the nasty, and when you’re finished, it’s just a quick walk down to Starbucks for some refreshments.
7. University Cemetery
Creepy? Yes. But practical? Extremely! Who is going to be wandering through a cemetery late at night? Not me, that’s for sure. If anyone nearby hears moans and groans, they will be out of there in a split second whether they believe in ghosts or not. The cemetery even has walls if you want a little bit of privacy while fornicating in public. And try not to offend any spirits, okay?
8. Clem 1
Studying for exams can get boring and frustrating, and that cutie across the aisle has been eyeing you all evening. At this point, it might be time to take a break for a little horizontal refreshment. I admit that the Clem 1 atmosphere is not exactly ideal with the gross lights and outdated furniture, but it’s not like you’re going to be spending all night getting it on down there. Use the stacks purely for a quick encounter, and then get back to your studying. Work hard, play hard.
9. A pile of leaves
Listen, when the need strikes, the need strikes, you know? Maybe your roommate is home and your partner’s bed is too creaky. Don’t let these circumstances stop you from knocking boots — just find a comfy pile of leaves, maybe fluff it up a bit and you’re good to go. Absolutely no preparation required — not even a blanket. Although you might want to pay attention to the recent weather, because there is nothing sexy about laying in a pile of damp, rotten leaves.
10. Your bed
Sounds kinky, right? Maybe a Netflix session turned into Netflix and chill, or maybe you have no desire to get out of bed — not even for a little bit of rumpus humpus. Sometimes you just have to bring the action to you. You may be feeling lazy, but at least try to get the crumbs out of the sheets from your midnight snack the night before. Now you get the comfort of your own bed, and you don’t have to get dressed afterwards. The only downside is that you might need to wash your sheets later.
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