Why Darties?

hu-WhyDarties-NJuan

It’s 1 in the afternoon on a Saturday. Everyone around you is plastered. Everywhere you look, bodies are writhing together as if in some ritualistic dance. To your left, some dude is making vodka snow cones. Behind him, a gaggle of people are shotgunning Busch Lites. It’s a beautiful scene. Oh, and it’s 1 in the afternoon.

You’re at a darty, or a party during the day. A group of frat brothers decided that they didn’t get drunk enough last night, so they threw another party in the middle of the day. Maybe it’s a philanthropy event and all the proceeds will go to charity. Maybe it’s just a continuation of the throw-down last night. Or maybe it’s a low-key event, and people are enjoying a beer or eight with one another. Whatever it is, it’s magnificent — and it’s unequivocally U.Va.  

If you’re unfamiliar with the darty scene, you may have questions at this point. I’ll go through a few of the most frequently-asked.

Q: If someone goes to a darty, do they go out again that night?

A: Yes, obviously.

Q: What usually happens during a darty?

A: Can’t answer that in too much detail, as nobody has ever been able to fully recall one. But, often times bands are invited to play and there’s food offered.

Q: Should I go to a darty?

A: Yes*

* Unless you: value your GPA, your self-worth or are NOT an alcoholic.

You see, there’s something oddly attractive about partying for an entire day. Dartying is as ingrained in U.Va. culture as Thomas Jefferson, except dartying is better. TJ can be controversial, but everyone loves darties, and if you don’t, well you’re objectively wrong.

At the University, we are all under immense pressure to perform academically. Oftentimes, this is an intrinsic motivation to succeed in the classroom. Others feel the pressure from external sources, like parents or more intelligent siblings. No matter the cause, we’re all stressed at points, and there is no better way to forget about all the things that could go wrong than by forgetting the entire day.

But students don’t just darty because of their academic trepidation. There’s another, rather sizable group that has passed the point of caring about grades. These people darty because there’s only so much time we’ve got left before we enter the “real world”.  Four years — or maybe more — is a blink of the eye in the span of one’s lifetime. And are we really living if we’re holed up in Clemons Library at 3 in the afternoon?  No.  

Right now we’re entering our prime. Our metabolisms are still high and our energy levels allow us to be active for hours upon end. So let’s do something with our precious time. Catch a tennis match, play some soccer with friends, head downtown to find something edible or — the best option of all — go to a darty on Mad Bowl.

Even if you’re not into drinking or partying, you can still enjoy yourself at a darty. You can dance to the music, meet new friends, sing, cry and/or make out with that one cute guy/girl you’ve had your eye on for some time. It doesn’t matter because nobody is going to think twice about it, and they’re certainly not going to remember the next day. 

I understand if you’re unconvinced. Dartying might not be for you, and that’s okay. But there’s something to be said for trying things out.  Go to a darty.  Worse case scenario, you don’t have much fun and end up thinking you’ve wasted an hour of your Saturday.  But if you’re lucky, you’ll have a blast and descend into degeneracy with the rest of us.

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the author’s.

Nick Juan is a Humor columnist for The Cavalier Daily. He can be reached at humor@cavalierdaily.com.

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