HEY MOM and Dad, how's your relationship with your college-aged son or daughter? Do you know what he or she is doing when not under your all-protecting roof? More importantly, are you prepared to deal with the knowledge of your child's potential delinquency?
These are questions every parent should be asking themselves, especially after reading the letter sent home to all parents of University students this summer. The letter outlines the new policy of notifying parents of serious alcohol and drug infractions committed by their students, a policy that is now federally-mandated by the Higher Education Act.
Sadly, the letter and the policy that it outlined did not do much in the way of encouraging parents to talk to their kids about the dangers and/or pleasures of recreational alcohol use. It merely alerted parents to new alcohol-offense procedures that may widen the gap between parent and college student.
The letter, addressed to parents of University students and signed by President John T. Casteen III, did not constructively introduce the new parental notification policy--it lacked emphasis on parent-child discussion of the matter. Alerting parents to the new policies concerning drug and alcohol use could have been effective if more than just a form letter and a copy of the policy was sent out. Information on how to discuss the good and bad of alcohol and drug use with young adults in or entering college should have accompanied the University's mail-out.
That extra literature would serve as the impetus for parents, some unable to talk to their kids effectively, to educate their children before a problem arises. The feelings of both parent and child would be out in the open and consequences outlined.
In the event that an infraction was committed, there would be less fear involved with a call home--since both parent and child would be aware of each others' views on the issue--and receiving that call would not be so disturbing for parents.
Having not been provided materials dealing with drugs and alcohol, parents who have trouble communicating with a college-aged son or daughter may simply outline potential punishments in cases of alcohol offenses instead of offering potential solutions to this growing problem among young adults. Some parents have the ability to deal with the knowledge of their child's illegal actions. Some parents also can communicate with their child to understand why his or her actions were wrong.
The problem is, a lot of parents don't have the skills to deal with their children when it comes to delicate issues like drugs and alcohol. In those cases, a call home could be shocking, and could lead to strained relations between parent and child instead of open lines of communication.
The time to strengthen the relationships between parents and maturing children is now. The nearly nightly reports of youth violence demonstrate the need for parents to take an active role in the lives of their children.
In fact, a statewide report released last month by the Virginia Youth Violence Project at the Curry School of Education cited many ways in which youth violence and delinquency could be reduced, the most important being mentoring and developing relationships.
This proactive approach to parenting, however, doesn't end when children leave their parents' homes to venture into college life.
Parents should encourage their children to let them know what is going on in their lives--good or bad--even after they have left home for college. In other words, kids need more than just a little guidance when they enter the world of higher education. Parents can enable their children to feel they can be honest about themselves if they are honest about their own childhood.
In addition, this year's new summer orientation served as a great opportunity to get students and parents together to discuss the newly adopted parental notification policy. Unfortunately, there were few programs that brought students and parents together, and none of these spoke directly to the problem of underage drinking.
Students often are given information on the legal consequences of underage drinking and how to have fun responsibly. But these sessions rarely are conducted in the presence of parents. This may have been effective in the past when the students were given the choice of dealing with alcohol or drug offenses on their own. This policy makes parents much more involved in their student's life at college, thus, the University should be responsible for educating parents and students together.
Students should take responsibility for their own lives and actions while at college, but at the same time, we are not as wise as those who raised us and care for us here and at home. As long as the parental notification policy is part of University life, administrators must make certain that it works to bring parents and students together and doesn't drive them further apart.
(Erin Perucci is a second-year College student. She is an associate editor of The Cavalier Daily.)
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