The Cavalier Daily
Serving the University Community Since 1890

The holiday movie season has descended upon us and, like many of you no doubt did over Thanksgiving, I caught a flick or two during the long weekend.

The holidays herald some big events in the world of sports as well. But what if these two realms were to collide?

A fair number of athletes have gotten the acting bug over the years.

Thespian greats such as O.J. Simpson and "Webster"'s Alex Karras immediately spring to mind, along with cameos by the likes of Brett Favre. But what if such crossovers became widespread?

I think it might go a little something like this.

End of Days

Starring: San Francisco 49ers

Steve Young's injury and general disrepair in the Niner ranks send the team spiraling out of playoff contention. Backup quarterbacks Jeff Garcia and Steve Stenstrom are unable to stem the tide. In an attempt to prevent a 4-12 year and a season sweep by the Saints that would plunge the NFC West into apocalyptic chaos, Bill Walsh ousts Steve Mariucci and tries to save the once-proud franchise.

Rated: DD (Dead Dynasty), now playing in an NFL stadium near you.

The Green Mile

Starring: Tom Hanks, CBS, the NCAA

After inking their multi-billion dollar deal with CBS, authorizing the network to telecast the next 11 men's basketball championship tournaments, the NCAA celebrates by laying out all the money end to end. The organization then hires a prison guard (Hanks) to guard the cash from athletes, making sure the NCAA keeps each and every dollar while programs cut under Title IX are kept in lockdown.

Rated: $$$, now playing on CBS.

Light It Up

Starring: The Florida State and Virginia Tech football teams

After battling through a long, hard road to reach the National Championship game in the Nokia Sugar Bowl, Florida State and the best player in college football, Peter Warrick, light up the scoreboard early and often to annihilate the Hokies.

Rated: B (Blowout), coming soon to the Superdome in New Orleans.

Anywhere But Here

Starring: The Toronto Blue Jays

Making the ultimate sacrifice for his players, Toronto General Manager Gord Ash decides to set Pat Hentgen and Shawn Green free from the Great White North of Toronto. Shortly thereafter, he dumps David Wells, Carlos Delgado and any other remotely talented member of the team, joining Montreal as another glorified minor-league team playing in the majors. It's a story that will warm your heart ... and free up lots of money.

Rated: FS (Fire Sale), now playing in Los Angeles and St. Louis, and rumored to be playing soon anywhere but Toronto.

The World Is Not Enough

Starring: Norv Turner, Daniel Snyder

Washington Redskins Coach Norv Turner faces his greatest test yet in demanding new owner Daniel Snyder. Not content to have a winning season, take the NFC East or even win the Super Bowl, Snyder will not stop until his 'Skins take over the world. There's only one group that can stop the bandwagon this time around: The Dallas Cowboys!

Rated: E (Ego) (not suitable for viewing by Eagles or Giants fans), now playing in D.C.

Millennium Man

Starring: Alexi Yashin

After his holdout ends in a season-long suspension, the disgruntled Ottawa Senators center embarks on a journey of self-discovery as he waits to return to the NHL in 2000.

Rated: H (Holdout), now not playing. Anywhere.

Of course, these movies haven't been made. Not yet. Then again, I hear Yashin has lots of free time on his hands these days.

Comments