I'll admit it. I cried. I bawled my eyes out.
When I stood in the midst of such high emotion during ceremonious Preferentials I was both snickering and sobbing at the same time.
In short, rush sucks, rush is awesome, and thank the rush Gods that it's over. The rest doesn't really matter.
The last two sets of parties, House Tours and Prefs brought the events to a close. Rushees signed their bid cards directly after Prefs.
I stood in Newcomb Hall's South Meeting Room before the onslaught of other bid card signers and with a shaking hand I penciled in one of the hardest bubble sheets I've ever filled out. But after two weeks of unbelievable pressure and ambiguity, I strolled out of Newcomb and started home down the Lawn.
I can't say I was nostalgic for those gone before me, and I can't say I was excited about the prospective sorority events ahead. I just felt a huge sense of accomplishment.
Despite this, the ugly side of double-faced rush morphed from the socially strenuous to the emotionally grueling last week. Although I don't know the numbers, I saw rapidly diminishing numbers of girls reappearing after each set of parties. Some Rho Chis' rush groups dropped to numbers of four or two women. The idea of handing over the power to other girls to rate my personality makes me sick. It made me want to throw up all over Rugby Road (again) as I gossiped over countless stories of fragile decisions of the future of other women being based on a arbitrary things. We heard rumors of horrifying stories about sororities that had to make cuts. Its sad that as we got to know the women better and better we had to leave them behind as we made our cut and unfortunately there is always the falling through the cracks. As I progressed through rush it dawned on me that we all choose our own labels, Greek or non-Greek. The sororities decide which pledge class will best define the image they wish to project, and the rushees must choose the stigma to be assigned to them. And of course there is always the notorious "falling through the cracks."
The number of sorororities to attend are narrowed down through House Tours and Prefs. I glimpsed more of the personality of the sororities through each round. In House Tours, I met each of the women living in the house and ate decadent food. I traveled through the house with a sister and watched videos of events exclusive to that sorority, eating cookies with my name on them, personalized floats and doughnuts with ice cream. Whereas during Round Robins I could have seen myself at any one of the 16 sororities, it became more apparent which sororities' personalities meshed with my own. Yet I still was unsure about where the "right" place for me was.
As a second year, my ties to friends, already stratified, strained in different directions. In addition, the added pressures of new friends who I wanted to be in my pledge class notched up the pressure, making a seemingly easy decision appear to be a life-changing one. On Saturday morning I lay on the floor and debated with the ceiling for a good five hours. I seemed to make more progress finding my future in the cracked paint than anywhere else.
I don't know what changed Saturday night, but it was absolutely beautiful. Centuries of women expressing their love for one another culminated in the long traditions of Prefs. I can't explain what it meant, and I can't explain why it means so much. But when I was standing face to face with amazing women who I want to cry, laugh and party with, along with a hundred or so other women who I feel the same way about, I just lost it. I cried because I was touched, because I was flattered, and because I had to make a choice.
And now I'm laughing at myself again, but it is different because I am so excited. Who knows if I did the "right" thing. According to 16 sororities the right thing to do would be to pledge 16 sororities. The frenzied phone calls of the past days have revealed many incredible women who chose many different sororities and I hope to retain all their friendships.
All I know is that I am so excited. I'm excited to pledge. I'm excited for date parties and mixers and opportunities to expand myself in philanthropy and who knows what else. But most of all, I'm excited to get my bid.
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