As a fresh wave of first-years are set to step foot on Grounds later this summer, newfound independence, major selection and of course, romantic relationships can be common topics of conversation among students. While the University has a reputation for producing thousands of alumni marriages — with over 20,000 University alumni eventually getting married to fellow graduates, according to U.Va. Today — current students share that the reality of dating at the University encompasses a much broader range of experiences.
The Cavalier Daily spoke to three University students to hear their perspectives on navigating the dating pool while in college. Whether its ephemeral encounters or long-term partnerships, University students said they approach romantic relationships with varying expectations and priorities.
According to rising third-year Engineering student Steve Philipose, navigating the University’s social environment often requires balancing personal preferences with broader campus norms surrounding dating and social life.
Philipose described how the romantic culture at the University is more oriented towards temporary flings. While he said he recognizes that many students are simply exploring relationships during college, Philipose said the prevalence of casual encounters can make it difficult for individuals like himself who are seeking a more serious relationship to find partners with similar goals.
“I think it's definitely harder to find someone that isn't afraid of commitment and just wants to date [to] marry,” Philipose said, noting his interest in finding a lifelong partner. “[It’s] definitely harder to find than something short term. I think a lot of people aren't really looking for a long-term relationship, and I don't think they're having any problems finding what they're looking for.”
This phenomenon, colloquially referred to as “hookup culture,” is a widespread practice that occurs at many universities. Research from the National Library of Medicine shows that participation in hookup culture can have a wide range of outcomes for those that choose to engage — for some, it brings about feelings of empowerment and excitement, while it can produce feelings of regret and shame for others.
Despite these varied impacts, Philipose attributed the prevalence of hookup culture to the notion that many students want to fully engage in the social and personal freedoms that college provides without the constraint of a committed partner.
“I'm sure there's plenty of people that want to find their spouse in college,” Philipose said. “But I think there's a very good population of people that [believe] you're only in college one time, do everything you can. And then once you graduate, get a job and settle down somewhere, then you can do something more serious.”
Beyond the dichotomy of casual versus serious relationships, some students say that social media plays a major role in shaping perceptions of University life and the relationships within it.
Rising third-year College student Om Shah noted how social media platforms often present curated versions of the ideal college experience, frequently highlighting casual relationships and hookup culture as central components of student social life.
According to Shah, these portrayals can influence users to emulate the social and romantic behaviors they see online in pursuit of similar validation. As a result, students seeking more serious, long-term relationships may feel pressure to participate in hookup culture in order to align with perceived social norms.
“If my goal is to find a long term partner, and [hookup culture] is what I think college is [going to] be … how am I [going to] find a real [partner]?” Shah said. “I think social media is also a big [part of] that because you see all these [videos] of hookup culture and all of that.”
Shah explained how this desire for social acceptance — relating to and beyond social media — can create a fear of being perceived at large. This, he said, can cause some of his peers to sacrifice authenticity when interacting with prospective romantic interests.
However, the pressure to conform is not just limited to social behaviors — some students say they can also influence how individuals believe they must present physically in order to succeed in the dating scene. Philipose noted that certain physical traits are often idealized and viewed as necessary in order to garner romantic options.
“I think a lot of males are under the influence that you have to have a lot of specificities to have a good dating life,” Philipose said. “You got to be tall, you got to look a certain way and if you don't have any of those, then you're completely cooked.”
Rising second-year College student Emily An echoed this sentiment, explaining how this culture of conformity has even trickled down to her wardrobe. She described the culture adjustment she experienced transitioning to the University, and how it led her to adjust the way that she dressed to align with what her peers were wearing.
According to Shah and An, this pressure to conform — whether through behaviors, physical appearance or relationship expectations — can discourage students from expressing their authentic selves. While both Shah and An said they perceive college to be a time of independence and self-discovery, they also noted how widespread fears of embarrassment or social judgement can limit opportunities for organic connection.
Ultimately, while these social pressures can feel pervasive, Shah noted how students still have the agency to find relationships that align with their own values and comfort levels. Rather than conforming to a single dominant culture, he emphasized that the size and diversity of the University allows students to seek out spaces where they feel free to express their authentic selves and beliefs.
“There's so many people here,” Shah said. “I think regardless of where you are, you'll just find where you fit in within that, whether it's hookup culture [or] whether it's relationship culture.”
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