DURING the upcoming holidays, celebrate Thanksgiving a second time, and do it a bit differently. Make Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever you celebrate, an occasion for giving thanks specifically for people.
This should go past the superficial, "I am thankful for my family and friends" acknowledgement that many of us muttered a few weeks ago amidst our hurry to dig into the turkey and pumpkin pie. Do more than recognize that you're thankful for your family and friends. Figure out exactly why.
Take time to think about each person in your life separately. Make a list if you need to - of all the people that are important to you. Then think for a moment, not merely about what you like about those people or what they do for you, but about what your life would be if they didn't exist, or if you had never met them. Who would you be without them? Figure out what kind of hole they would leave in your life if they were suddenly removed from it.
Do this for every person that means something to you. Then imagine adding all those thoughts up. If you subtract that total from who you are, you won't have much left. This will help you realize how important those people really are to you - in a way that just saying, "I'm thankful for them" does not.
Just thinking in abstract terms about what you're thankful for implies that those things are extras, that they're additives to your life. It suggests that you're glad you have them, but you would still be fine without them - that you appreciate them but don't need them. This is true for some of the things you're thankful for - but not of people.
Part of the problem with this distinction is the multiple meanings of the word "thankful." On one level, I am thankful that my car works. But I would still be me if it didn't. On another, I am thankful for the wonderful people I am fortunate enough to have in my life. I would not be the same person without them.
The task of thinking about the specific things we're thankful for - not just that we are thankful, but why - is something we don't do often enough. And when we do it, often our timing stinks.
We naturally take things for granted. As a result, we don't realize what we have until it's gone. Often, the first time we really consider what ou r life would be like without someone is when he or she is actually gone.
That's what has always puzzled me about eulogies - the celebratory speeches people give at funeral services. Sure, it's nice to talk about how much a person meant to you at their funeral. But wouldn't it be even nicer to think and say those things while they were still around?
In one of the best scenes in Mark Twain's "Adventures of Tom Sawyer," Tom sits in on his own funeral after the town mistakenly concludes that he has drowned. He hears his mourners praise his life at length and tearfully explain how wonderful he had been.
Imagining such a tribute is no substitute for the real thing, but it's close. So try to realize what you have before it's gone. Preempt the natural process - imagine the people in your life being gone before they actually are. Think about what you would say about them if they died right now; imagine the eulogy you would give for them if you had to write it tomorrow. I can't imagine giving a better Christmas gift than telling someone how important he is to me, how she has changed my life.
So, as the holidays approach, remember the people in your life - those who populate your heart, those without whom you would feel an aching emptiness. Learn how you feel about them by imagining what you would say if their funeral was held tomorrow. Make this holiday season a Thanksgiving for people.
(Bryan Maxwell is a Cavalier Daily associate editor.)
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