Last semester, I spent a month mistakenly believing my friend was a member of the Seven Society.
It started with a drunken rambling in his kitchen. With Beam on his breath, he mumbled that he had to go to a secret meeting the next day and held up seven fingers. I immediately jumped to my own conclusions, which turned out, of course, to be wrong. (Or at least I think so. You never can tell about these things.)
The real reason for assuming my friend was dealing with shady characters was my own continued desire to be a part of a secret society.
Yes, I know it's pathetic. And I am well aware that by openly voicing my desire to do so, I am basically ruining my chances of ever joining an oh-so-exclusive club. So perhaps I am left with no recourse other than starting my own group.
Get ready, folks, here comes the Fabulous Society.
Other groups are begin with the lofty ideals of promoting student self-governance, engaging in philanthropic activities or marching around while yelling and wearing goofy looking costumes.
For the FABS, though, the goal is much simpler -- the only aim of society members is to be the most fabulous people (or things) on Grounds.
While there already is an elite and exclusive membership in place, I would like to nominate several others to join, in a public tapping of sorts.
Thomas Jefferson: He's so fabulous he's still hanging around 175 years after his death. A key ingredient in being fabulous, after all, is longevity. And that whole Declaration of Independence thing was pretty good, too.
Bruce Springsteen: The Boss admittedly has nothing to do with the University and has probably made no contribution to the community at large. But he's from New Jersey! If that's not fabulous, I don't know what is. In a close race, he beats out Bon Jovi by fractions of a point.
Leonard W. Sandridge Jr.: This administrator works at least 14 hours a day running the day-to-day operations of the University. Dedication like that can best be summed up in one word: fabulous.
Larry J. Sabato: The list just wouldn't be complete without him. I don't know exactly why. Permanent inclusion in the society hinges on whether or not he gets rid of the moustache. He has two weeks to make a decision. If it stays, he's out.
Wearers of politico yellow: The society applauds them all for their courageous decision to buck the trend of politico pink in favor of the more vibrant, sophisticated yellow. May this spring be the season of fabulous marigold and buttercup dress shirts, rather than salmon and cotton candy-colored attire.
Abby Fifer and Katherine Martini: Two feisty, dynamite women. University students should hope both of them end up in leadership positions next year. The results could be, well, fabulous.
Kegs: The society would like to nominate kegs as the most fabulous inanimate objects at the University. What else could bind a group of students together, regardless of background, race or fraternal affiliation? One can never fully appreciate the true beauty of using alcohol to alleviate differences, rather than actually working out problems.
Pat Payne: If anyone doesn't know who Pat Payne is, they should go meet her on the third floor of Newcomb Hall immediately. She quite possibly knows everything about every politico at the University. (Information-gathering ability is a key component of someone's general fabulous quotient.) And she has candy.
Redheads: The red-headed tend to be crafty, vivacious and funny, in addition to being easy to spot in a crowd. What's not fabulous about that?
Of course, this is not a complete list of all things fabulous at the University. But what good is an exclusive group if you let everyone in, anyway?
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