'Tis the season to be dating

Today is the first day of spring. More importantly, though, today marks the beginning of an event that has everyone at the University in a state of frenzy. Nope, it's not the opening of Bodo's on the corner or the cancellation of Foxfield.

Ladies and gentlemen: Start your engines, dust off your dresses and get out your Greek Directories. Date Function Season officially has begun.

You've heard of hunting season, where cammo-clad enthusiasts set their sights on a particular target and wait until just the right moment to strike. Sometimes they come out victorious; sometimes their aim is a bit off and their prey takes one wild, frenzied glance in the hunter's direction before fleeing frantically into the woods.

You've also heard of Christmas season, commencing the day after Thanksgiving, in which people wrap themselves in a whirlwind of shopping, food, parties and presents. This season ends when they find themselves drowning in a sea of wrapping paper on Christmas morning.

I like to think of date function season as a combination of both. From now on, frat parties aren't merely parties but opportunities for the hunter to eye scads of potential date prey.

Finally, you take aim and ask someone, resulting in either a perfect shot (he/she says yes), or a miss (sorry, try again later).

But then there's the unmistakable aura of Christmas festivities this time of year, when everyone survives those long nights at the library fueled by the lure of the next date function. Suddenly $100 dinners seem like an understandable expense and female shoppers travel to distant cities in search of the perfect dress.

For a lot of first years out there, an upcoming date function might well be their first or second one (I'm talking girls here, not all you dirty-rushing frat boys out there who consider yourself date function pros already). So today I'd like to pass along a bit of advice from one date function generation to the next. And who knows boys, you just might learn something too.

1. The Date

If you're anything like me, before you arrived at University, you'd never had to ask a boy to anything. And then suddenly, roles are reversed. Candidates are reviewed and discussed at length, and finally a decision is made.

Even though your insides feel like Jell-O, you muster the confidence to put yourself on the line and pop the question. Remind me -- isn't this supposed to be fun?

Good news, though -- asking someone gets easier as you get older. The bad news, however, is that deciding whom to ask gradually gets a lot more difficult.

When you're a first year, everything is somewhat unfamiliar and excitingly new. When you're a fourth year, like it or not, you know everyone's sketchy history. Sure Joe Frat may seem dreamy, but you also know he broke your best friend's heart two years ago. See why most fourth years are ready to graduate?

2. The Attire

Now that the dreamy blue-eyed guy you met in the waffle line one morning is your date, what are you going to wear? If you're like most first years, you opt for a dress, and if you're like most semi-lazy fourth years such as myself, you opt for black pants or a skirt. No matter what you choose, though, don't pick anything that's not salvageable in a worst-case drink sloshing scenario.

"But I hardly drink!" you say. "I'll be careful." Hurrah for you, but most spills are a result of other people's stupidity -- not yours.

And as for shoes, the frat party rule applies (for semi-formals, not necessarily formals): Don't wear anything you can't bare to see bathed in that odiferous combination of mud/alcohol that inevitably lurks on most dance floors. And remember -- if you can't even walk in your six-inch heels, how are you going to dance in them?

3.Drinks (Boys -- read this!)

Okay, so call me old-fashioned, but I don't think a girl should ever have to pay for drinks at a date function. If it's a fraternity deal, then that's pretty much understood. But I think this holds true even for sorority functions.

Think about it guys -- she's already bought you dinner and drinks at a nice restaurant. The least you can do is be gentlemanly and step up to the plate later on. Trust me, she'll be grateful. And your name will circulate amongst that elusive word-of-mouth "good date" list that mysteriously exists within sororities. Trust me, we know who's been naughty or nice.

4. The Partypics

Oh, where do I begin with this one? It was only when I was a first year that Partypics still existed on huge, clumsy proof sheets that got passed around sororities. Now they've gone from stone age to digital all in the course of three years.

While Partypics online means that you can spend your study break in the library reliving your wild Saturday night, with this technology also comes the burden of knowing that anyone can see the twelve keg-stands you did throughout the night.

"But the password protects me!" you protest. Newsflash -- passwords get around. So while your poses don't have to be as tame as your third-grade yearbook picture, keep in mind that those outside of your fraternity or sorority are guaranteed to see your pics.

Now that I've explained the rules of the Season, it's time to line up at the starting blocks. On your marks, get set, go! And we're off -- the season has commenced.