Love is not a noun but rather a verb (a word that expresses an act not a subject of discourse). To love is to massage the sore back of your significant other. To love is to comfort your significant other after he or she fails a test you know you got an 'A' on. To love is to emotionally support your significant other in the good and bad times.
What if your man wants to spend his life achieving his goal of becoming a musician? Does his profession and what he drives represent the love within his heart and what he can offer you as a companion? What if your woman makes more money than you do? Does your pride really take a hit simply because the woman you claim to love has surpassed the goals you set for yourself? Your response to these questions will explain if you love (v.) the person or if you claim to have love (n.) for the person.
bell hooks in "All About Love: New Visions" unravels the truth about the meaning of love by challenging many of our assumptions and providing new visions for evaluating love in our lives. hooks discloses the process by which we must allow love to transform us as human beings and communities. This book review will emphasize the personal transformations that are needed for people to share in an equal, committed relationship.
"When we love, we can let our hearts speak," hooks writes. In a relationship, to love is to be honest. Men lie to gain power as women lie to fake powerless. What is the wrong in being honest? It is celebrated in every other aspect in life. If you hurt as a man or woman, you should be able to share your feelings. Masking these feelings, often in the case of men as aggression, hurts the interaction between couples. Men and women, who refuse to tell their mate that they are not happy with a relationship, express their hurt through physical and/or mental abuse in acts such as cheating.
Essential to loving with honesty is self-love. hooks mentions how she was disturbed by how many people were bothered by self-love, often viewing it as narcissism.
"One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others," hooks writes.
Your body and mind deserve the pleasure you desire. A peace in mind, body and soul (cliche it may be) is a right which every man and woman has. The latter of the three -- soul, aka spirituality -- is not the equivalent to religion but rather being happy with your place in your life.
The true love, aka romance for some students, does not easily result from honesty, self-love and sharing your heart. It definitely is not the result of just sex. True love requires work. True love is a soul connection, which hooks defines as what individuals usually feel when they are "in touch with each other's core identity." The author, however, laments that the connection scares many because "there is no place to hide."
It is the baring of our souls with constant acts that prove and build our commitment to a relationship. "Love is as love does." Constantly living by this phrase, the true beauty of love will not be lost.
Women, encourage him even when you have a little doubt. Your support may be the most important factor to his success. Men, support her emotionally even when you believe she may be acting irrationally because her supposed irrationality simply may be a call for your support: loving words and hugs.
I strongly recommend this book for students who think they are in love and those looking for love.
Kurt Davis is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. He can be reached at kurt@cavalierdaily.com
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