For a society that relies so wholeheartedly on the freedom of speech, we're surprisingly fussy about talking dirty in bed. Both the practice of it and the discussion thereof. I'll break it down.
People talk in bed for the sake of transferring information. Rarely does one remain mute, for example, when one's partner is cutting off all circulation to one's head and one's vision is spiraling into blackness. And then there's the kind of verbal interaction that is, by definition, void of sense. Case in point:
A: God.
B: Yes.
A: Give it to me.
B: Who is your Daddy?
A: Hot.
B: Take me there.
A: Sweet.
B: Yes.
A: God.
Were we to experience this conversation in bed, I guarantee the meaning would be clear. Why? Because it's not what you say, it's how you say it.
Talking dirty is nothing more than an articulation of pleasure. It's more interesting -- and more efficient -- than pausing to testify to your partner that what he/she is doing is providing a gratifying sensation and that, at his/her convenience, he/she should please continue in the same manner until one informs him/her that one's desires have been satisfactorily met. The meaning is all contained -- and economically communicated -- in the intonation.
Rarely will a woman react the same way to a problematic epithet when tangled in your sheets as she will at a bar. Still, make sure to gauge her mood before taking that risk.
If you want to practice hitting the right tone, simply talk it over with your partner. Coming clean about talking dirty can rocket your sex life into another sphere.
It's fun to talk dirty. It's convenient. And it's an inexhaustible source for anecdotes to chuckle at together after the deed -- it's a quirky way to bond.
But, most prominently, it provides a sure method for learning to let go and trust your partner. It's impossible to say "spank me" with a straight face, then proceed to have terrible sex because you're too caught up in looking good and sounding right to get what you really want and give what you really can.
Talking dirty, precisely because it is nonsensical and void of meaning outside of the strictly specific context of sex, has an immense potential to make you sound preposterous and, subsequently, embarrass your pants off. And so it makes for a comparatively safe way to practice laying yourself emotionally bare to your partner -- eventually allowing you do to so in more precarious situations. An excited outburst in bed can give you the courage to take even bigger risks, like confessing an unconventional fetish you might be hiding even from yourself.
Talking dirty just might allow you to have the best sex of your life.
And yet, as with most matters concerning sex, it's best to be serious but not funereal about it: If something your partner says makes you giggle at an inopportune time, go ahead and let it rip. You might be surprised: Nothing is more disarming -- or heartening -- than a good laugh.
Katja Schubl is a Cavalier Daily sex columnist. She can be reached at katja@cavalierdaily.com
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