Welcome first years and returning upper class-men. Initially, readers should be aware that this article is for the single and relationship (whatever type suits your fancy) yearning persons.
You must read, "Sextrology" by Stella Starsky and Quinn Cox, before venturing around Grounds in search of your "new conquer," "new girlfriend," "new partner" or whatever sly phrase you use to cover up your sneaky and often dirty ways.
Like many of you, I know it is hard to find your type of man or woman while avoiding the lost souls that can create a bump in your path. Opposites attract. The overly hormone-driven athlete is challenged by a "wait three years housewife or houseman." The nerd cannot be satisfied with the identical nerd; someone has to light the fire in the dark.
Thus, Starsky and Cox come to your rescue, giving you a background on the persons you may encounter. Knowing most students, if they have any ounce of smartness, they will not give their social security number to a stranger.
So Starsky and Cox (so smart indeed) only require you to know their birthday. Well, getting that information is easy. Simply lie or pretend (whatever you want to call it) and tell the person you want to know their birthday so you can get them a gift. Obviously, the gift is only a requirement if his or her sextrology description meets your desires.
I know many of my readers are still non-believers, still upset at the failed horoscope readings in every newspaper, including The Cavalier Daily. Just like you, I shared this same anger and apprehension when I picked up this book. When I read the sextrology on myself, I became a believer.
Loving and faithful are the only qualities I will openly claim in this article; dominating and having a higher flow of hormones are qualities I will continue to deny. You can read the book and wonder about those among others.
Reading the sextrologies about some of my friends, I became a fanatic. Like T3 in the Slum Village's "Selfish" video, I can apply qualities to all the women I meet.
Leo women are aggressive, get what they want, and may use you simply for their pleasure. (Hmmm) Scorpio women are deceiving; they really are not your stereotypical quiet and conservative nerd. (Hmmm) Aries women will want to fight hard in light and the dark ...
To reassure readers I have no bias, I checked up on my male friends. Aries men: dominating and driven by hormone over-rush. Oh, I forgot the rest of them. Nevertheless, I reassure you that the sextrologies will be appropriately fitting for your friends.
Starsky and Cox, who are more accepting than some parts of this country -- let alone the University -- provide sextrologies for gays and lesbians. In applying these to my gay friends, I am sure gay singles will not be disappointed.
Lastly, I recommend that first years consult upperclassmen as well as this book concerning the opposite sex. This is only a precaution for you to avoid the many persons who have been practicing their game all summer to get your attention. These persons can easily be pointed out by upperclassmen because these persons have been practicing their game in previous years before you arrived.
While "Sextrology" is a great book and all, it does not delve into that issue.
Kurt Davis is a Cavalier Daily Health & Sexuality columnist. He can be reached at kurt@cavalierdaily.com
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