To Whom It May Concern,
I am writing to inquire about summer employment, and any opportunities you have available for the summer. I've worked for government agencies and political campaigns during my summer and winter breaks over the past three years. I also have experience with Microsoft Office software, as well as programs used for statistics and analysis. Attached is a copy of my resumé and two letters of recommendation. Thank you for your time.
Dear Ma'am or Sir,
I read your company's advertisement in the paper. I have no direct experience working in sales, but my understanding of politics will only benefit your business. If I can sell the public on a sleazy candidate, I can sell your product. I've attached a copy of my resumé, as well as a letter of recommendation. Thank you.
Dear Mr. Simon,
I saw your flyer on the supermarket bulletin board. I am interested in working from home and as you so articulately put it, in making "$$$$!!!!!" I've attached a copy of my resume and the check for $250 to help process my application. Thank you.
Mr. Thomson,
I do not attend your church, but I do drive by it every Sunday and offer my support with a honk or two. The other day, I had to run in for a quick pit stop, and I couldn't help notice that you are in need of a babysitter for your two young children. I love kids and I love Jesus. If you would like, I can give them Sunday school lessons every day, or even help them with science homework. Thank you.
Mrs. Thomson,
I am sorry for the mistaken identity. I do not know many women named Daniel. And you are right, I should not be mocking our Lord and Savior. I should be thankful for what Jesus did for us. Without him, there would be no Christmas. I also apologize for my assumptions. I did not realize your family does not believe in science.
Ms. Chang,
I overheard your mother talking to my grandmother during a rousing game of Mah Jong. I understand that you are looking for a short order cook for your Chinese restaurant. Though I cannot cook, I do look the part. Please take that into consideration. Thank you.
Dear UTS,
I know that training has passed, but I think I'm more than qualified to begin working. I've had years of experience driving my family's minivan, as well as weeks of practice with Vice City. I'm sure you are familiar with the game. It involves driving cars. Please let me know when I can begin work.
To: hr@quiznos.com
From: Winnie@cavdaily.com
I saw ur l8est commercial. It iz 2 cool. I also saw that u r looking 4 a new Baby Bob. I am 20, but I look young. I have attached a picture.
To: hr@quiznos.com
From: Winnie@cavdaily.com
Sorry 4 the virus. I don't kno wut happened.
Michael Jackson,
Congrats on winning your case! I am looking for a job. Though I am not under 15, nor am I a little boy, I never want to grow up. Hire me to be your alibi.
Winnie Chao can be reached at winnie@cavalierdaily.com.
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