At the dawn of this new semester, I thought it would be appropriate to discuss (and vent) openly about certain aspects of class etiquette that go unmentioned in a general sense. We all know the pros and cons of small versus large class sizes. When you're in a large lecture, it's harder to pay attention, but you can sit in the back, read the newspaper and giggle at the wittiness of the Life columnists without fear of censure. But small classes can be fun too; it's easier to make friends, and the professor knows your name and actually remembers you when he or she sees you around. But unfortunately, it is when you are in a small room with the same people for several months and no way of escape for an hour and fifteen minutes that you discover how impatient you really are with people's annoying behavior. Especially if there are no windows.
It all begins 20 minutes into the first day of class. You stroll in with an optimistic attitude about how cool this new class is going to be, and then as the awkward ice-breaker introductions are finishing, you can single out who's going to bug you twice a week until May 1. To make it easy for everyone to identify the heinously obnoxious, I have compiled a list of the "types" of annoying persons you may meet in your discussion sections or seminar classes. You'll thank me later for bringing this to your attention before the drop deadline.
There's the classmate with the laugh that is so loud and long-winded that this person must solely be referred to as "the Laugh." The Laugh does not only have a horribly unattractive cackle, but he laughs at the most inappropriate times and for longer than normal humans ever should, especially when responding to jokes that aren't funny or to his own attempts at humor. To give the Laugh some credit, at least he shows up to class with a smile on his face. But that's all the credit he gets because he should wise up --- his outbursts make everyone wince.
Another stereotypically irritating kid is the Suck Up. The Suck Up achieves self-validation by flattering the professor on anything from assigning an interesting project to his previous accolades and published works. What the Suck Up doesn't realize is that these compliments are equally as valuable to the professor's opinion of her if they are divulged during office hours, and the Suck Up will get a lot less class eye-rolling as a reaction to her announcement if she holds it in for the time being. The best part about the Suck Up is that when the professor wises up to her conniving ways, he usually calls her out in front of the class, creating magically uncomfortable, yet self-validating moments of class time.
And I can't neglect to mention the provider of irrelevant comments who mysteriously appears in every class you'll take. At least this person (or persons) keeps discussion going and sometimes you can even learn from them.
Closely related by habit to the one who won't shut up is the Bragger. The Bragger has read every novel in the literary canon and likes to peruse critical and philosophical theory in his spare time so he can relate everything he knows to the reading for class. Though the Bragger is tiresome, his enthusiasm about the subject can be contagious, and sometimes it's fun to do outside reading of your own to out-do him in the next class discussion.
And then there is Disturbing Doodler. Disturbing Doodlers are a quieter bunch and are hard to identify because you must sit next to or behind them to reveal them. These closet artists create frightening, murderous drawings in their notebooks or even etchings in desks themselves. What's great about Disturbing Doodler is that he is so intent on his artwork that he rarely opens his mouth. Also, it's morbidly fascinating to watch him draw, which is beneficial if you want to tune out the rest of the class.
And last, but not least, there's Brand-Name Flaunter. Brand-Name Flaunter carries her books in a LongChamps bag and you can't see her eyes behind her Chanel sunglasses. Her pen probably cost $200, if there is such a thing, and she keeps it in her Kate Spade pencil case. The nice thing about Brand-Name Flaunter is that she has often spent the day before at Clemons studying with her posse of attractive male friends and she only feels like talking when she decides she has something relevant to say or after she stops texting from her rhinestone-encrusted cell phone.
In closing, I would like to note that, in my opinion, making friends in class doesn't happen enough, though I have met some of my best friends through casual conversation in Cabell. So when you see Disturbing Doodler walking around Grounds, at least give him a courtesy smile. And of course, everything I have just written is merely fiction and all similarities to persons alive or dead are a coincidence and not based on real people or events. Right.
Mary's column runs biweekly on Wednesdays. She can be reached at mbaroch@cavalierdaily.com
Read More
Queer Student Union showcases strength and spreads love
By Rosie Strickland | 4 days agoThis summer, QSU members say that the organization’s efforts to support the University’s Queer community extend far beyond the 30 days of June.
‘Don’t get too comfortable’: Words of wisdom for the incoming class
By Kate Johnson | July 4, 2025These fourth-year students offer their reflections on their first year at the University.
Navigating the University from near and far
By Amanda Chung , Mai Hukuoka and Dana Douglas | July 2, 2025As the 2025-26 school year inches closer, three Life writers came together to discuss their different perspectives as in-state and out-of-state students.
