While sifting through 268 e-mail offers of sex, drugs and online university degrees, I recently came across this overlooked, rather official-looking message in my "uva-potential-spam" mailbox: "This message is directed to all second-year students in the College of Arts & Sciences who have not yet declared a major. Listen up, gumshoes! Here is your assignment, should you choose to accept it: Decode the meaning of life, strategize for your future careers and execute your decisions by choosing a major (or two). Time is of the essence. You have three months remaining to complete your tasks. Should you fail, prepare for doom to fall upon you after your last exam in May, and remember, ISIS will forever be your sworn enemy. Sincerely, The University Registrar."
Fighting back the urge to yell out, "Do it, Rockapella!", I donned my Carmen Sandiego sleuth jacket and set about the task at hand. With such high stakes (ISIS and I have been best friends since the second grade) and the clock ticking for over a year already, I realized this assignment would require some careful thought. What I needed was a plan. Yes, with a plan and fifty ACME Crime Bucks, I was well on my way to choosing a major.
Fellow gumshoes, while you may view me as an opponent in this assignment -- particularly if your major of choice requires a competitive application -- allow me to share with you a few strategies of my own. Choosing a major isn't really all that difficult ... if you know what you like.
Imagine, if you will, that glorious day when you walk the Lawn. Naturally, it will be a sunny day, and the only clouds in the sky will be of the white, fluffy sort. Picture yourself surrounded by family and friends as you happily make your way to the location of your diploma ceremony. But where do you go? A clue, gumshoe! Take a moment to peruse the Finals Weekend 2006 Diploma Ceremony Locations Chart. The ceremonies will most certainly be separated by major and most definitely unequal in location. Some students will remember a moment of honor and glory when they received their diploma in the Dome Room of the Rotunda. Others will recall their mothers' tear-filled eyes and wonder whether it was maternal pride or the chlorine present in the Aquatic & Fitness Center that elicited such a response. Choose wisely, gumshoes, and don't upset the feng shui of the day. And if you find yourself with diploma in hand at the North Grounds Recreation Center, all I can say is, I hope the major was worth it.
But perhaps you are saying to yourself, why should such an important decision, such as choosing a major, be based on the ambiance of one day? It's true; you must spend the academic years of your life taking courses in that given discipline. Remember that all lecture halls are not equal, all desks are not comfortable and all buildings are not in advantageous locations. Thus I propose an alternate, though related, method for selecting a major: 1) Determine which lecture halls and buildings suit you best. 2) Find out which majors hold classes in said halls and buildings most often. 3) Choose a major most compatible with your standards of physical comfort.
For example, I find the desk-height-to-seat-height ratio in Wilson 402 disadvantageous to note-taking, while I am perfectly comfortable sitting and writing in the Maury lecture hall. The contoured backs on the newest student desks in Cabell are better suited to a stick figure's posture than to a college student's slouch. I also tend to be more productive and attentive sitting in a chair at a table than in a desk. The drama building and Gilmer Hall can both be far away depending on where you're coming from (though the theater's lobby does have nice couches), but I hear there is an amazing women's restroom in Kerchoff. Be judicious, gumshoes, and demand comfort in choosing your major.
Clearly, the most important factor in declaring a major is knowing what you like. Be a sleuth, decode the clues (décor, ambiance, furniture and facility preferences) and track down that elusive, life-determining curriculum. And remember, should you fail, forms for deferring declaration can be found in the Garrett Hall lobby, but ISIS will forever be your sworn enemy no matter what.
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