All of us have "types" to which we are attracted. Undoubtedly we get teased for always falling for the dorks, the blondes, the jocks or the princesses. For the most part, only Sigmund Freud would assert that our "type" says anything integral about us. I have to wonder though: What does it really say about people who are attracted to one end of the age spectrum? Girls who find themselves attracted to men much older are accused of having "daddy issues," and guys who like dating older women are jokingly labeled with having the Oedipus complex. Join me on a journey of questions and thoughts on a topic dear to my heart.
Let's start with men. There is not much of a stigma attached to older men being attracted to younger women. Coveting trophy wives or trophy girlfriends is one last attempt to hold on to youth ... just ask Hugh Hefner. But a line is drawn.Nabokov's "Lolita" does a brilliant job of not only drawing the line but also illustrating what it means when a man places himself firmly on the other side of that norm. "Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo... Lee... Ta." Beautiful but disturbing, wouldn't you say?
The younger-man-and-older-woman dynamic isn't as new a trend as you think. Before Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore there was Thomas Wolfe and Mrs. Bernstein (but I doubt you know who they were). There might be something natural about a young man being attracted to a stronger, nurturing female figure.Women happen to develop these characteristics with age like fine wine. So then Ashton marrying Demi is not misplaced love for mommy dearest; rather he probably values certain qualities in women that are more easily found in a woman of Demi's age. I say we leave Oedipus to Sophocles, not to Freud.
Now for the most impossible task: to understand women. I have this one friend who just adores younger guys; she loves their innocence. We joke that she likes to corrupt them, but she says she likes to nurture and mold them. Can you say, "control freak?" I'm just kidding. (Don't get mad at me!) What does it say about a girl who likes her men at their most malleable, though? I'm sure she's just looking out for them.
I think the most can be said about women who are attracted to older men (go figure). So what repeatedly draws a young woman, whether she is demure and impressionable or independent and strong-willed, to an older man? In some cases if she's lacking stability she's looking to a well-established man for security. There's also the eager young pupil who feels she has much to learn and is naturally attracted to an older, more knowledgeable man who can show her the ways of the world. The epitome of this is Jo, from Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women," refusing Laurie and falling in love with Professor Bhaer. If you prefer a modern-day example then I think Christina from "Grey's Anatomy" has a pretty clear pattern. Finally, if the young girl is a socialite, she's looking to be associated with someone of status. Or she could just be a gold-digger.
We all have our preferences. Some guys like girls that like sports; some girls are attracted to traditional gentlemen; some people just like goofballs. And then there are those who flock to a certain age group. What that says about them might not be earth-shattering or all that different from what David Beckham preferring Posh Spice to Sporty Spice says about him. When all is said and done, an age preference may not be fundamental to our being, rather just juicy Friday-night gossip. Or maybe that's just what I want to believe.
Tarra Kohli is a Health & Sexuality columnist. She can be reached at Kohli@cavalierdaily.com.
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