You've probably heard the statistic that guys think about sex something once every four seconds. I concede my inherent male preoccupation with sex but don't think I want a committed relationship at this point in life. The solution: casual hookups. Not being as well versed as my dorm buddies in how to go about the casual hookup, I asked a couple of them to teach me their tactics. Specifically, I asked them to tell me how they "spit game." Here's what I learned:
Disclaimer: While this edition of Zumbody's Business may appear to objectify women to some extent, the author's next article will look at how females spit game just as much as males. The following views reflect solely the opinions of those interviewed.
Let's start with a definition. The word "game" can refer to the casual hookup universe in which players practice their skill of winning over girls. It can also refer to a particular individual's strategy in this larger field of play. "The Game" refers to the general concept of guys trying to get girls to hook up as opposed to a particular person's "game," or strategy for getting ahead in the Game. Thus, the expression "spitting game" refers to one person's attempt to succeed in the casual hookup, the object being maximization of play and minimization of drama. That is to say, spitting game is hooking up as often as is desired, while keeping the level of emotional attachment, commitment and social consequences at a minimum. Think: What do I have to do to get this girl to hook up with me without the repercussions of emotional attachment? Now you're getting into the mind of a player. Real players are natural flirters. For a player, the rewards of the game are enticing, but I get the impression they'd play it for free. Like noble baseball players of old, real players play for love of the game.
There are two basic methods of spitting game, traditional and contemporary. Though any experienced player will be familiar with both styles, some definitely prefer one or the other. The key is to be able to judge a girl well enough to be able to know which style is more likely to be successful. Straightforward, down-to-earth girls are more likely to be attracted to the traditional style, while wilder girls are susceptible to the contemporary mode of play. This said, the traditional style of play tends to work on a larger proportion of the female population.
The traditional style of spitting game is characterized by flattery, forthrightness and complementing. Don't beat around the bush; let her know that you're interested. Guys with musical or artistic talent can show this off to impress a girl through the traditional method. Of the two, this is the more honest approach; however, treating a girl with this level of attention early on will lead her to expect it from you in the future. If you intend to hook up with this girl on a regular basis, keeping up this façade of genuine interest in her may become tiresome. If she shows signs of attachment, be wary: She may end up wanting to be your girlfriend. On the other hand, if it turns out you really like her and want to commit, that's great. Just be careful that you don't misuse the traditional style to lead a nice, respectable girl on. She may end up crying, and that is just cruel.
The contemporary style of spitting game relies on the belief that girls like bad guys and want what they can't have. To use the contemporary style you've got to go for the badass image. Think James Dean. Think brash unfettered testosterone. Getting in fights and getting arrested are two easy methods for establishing the proper image. If a girl sees that other people treat you with respectful deference, this will clue her in to your gangsta status. Critical to the contemporary style is the assumption that girls are attracted to bad guys because they think they can change them, taming their reckless nature. A true player, however, does not budge to a girl's attempts to alter his wild personality.
Strike up conversation with your prospective girl at a party and read her reactions for signs of interest or lack thereof. If she seems bored during conversation and is not laughing at obvious jokes you're making, it is time to start looking elsewhere. For the most part, rely on your instincts. If the feeling is right, keep trying. Otherwise, punt.
Once you find a girl who is into you, you should start thinking about the next step. It is critical that your judgment is not overly impaired at this stage or you may end up doing something you will soon regret. Also, do not be forceful once the two of you are alone. Especially when you are drunk, what can seem like innocent and consensual contact can be unwelcome or even violating.
How to wrap up the casual hookup depends on how you attracted the girl and how far you went with her. If you positively want to avoid the mess of her resentment, avoid the traditional style.
To get the flip-side perspective of spitting game, read the next edition of Zumbody's Business running in two weeks.
Thomas Zumberge is a Health & Sexuality columnist. He can be reached at zumberge@cavalierdaily.com
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