Cupid's shadow is once again edging its way toward the Academical Village, foreshadowing one of the worst and most nerve-wracking holidays for guys everywhere. You might be thinking: Is he talking about Valentine's Day? Is this nobody trashing the day of love? Who does he think he is? But before you start cutting out letters from magazines for creepy hate mail, take a walk with me through the hurdles and obstacles that are waiting for guys at every turn during this anxiety-filled holiday.
First is the question of where you should go to dinner. Sure you want it to be nice, but you don't want to come away minus an arm or a leg after the bill has been paid. This is an even bigger issue when combined with the fact that you are probably planning on giving your valentine a gift of substantial value. All in all, V-Day could end up quite the costly day of romance, and your checking account might bear witness to this. Therefore, always select places that I like to deem "cute." These are small little coffee shop/sandwich type places and are great for a nice quiet outing, as well as for dining at a reasonable price. There are many of these types of places around town, but one that goes above and beyond is L'Etoile. Be sure to go for lunch, however, as waiting until dinner will surely up your tab at least $40.
Next is the question of which nationality of food you should be looking for. This is not actually a real challenge, at least for those of us who have the sense to know it should always be between Italian and French. I'm sure you're thinking that quaint little Greek place would be quite lovely for such an occasion, but you would be quite wrong. Italian or French. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Keep the Greek place in your back pocket for a birthday.
Now that you've honed in on that perfect restaurant, you've got to find the perfect gift. This is a joke. There are no perfect gifts for Valentine's Day. There are only gifts that get approving smiles and hugs and looks of acceptance, and those that don't. Do not find yourself in this second group. The road from a bad gift is long and hard and filled with muttering under your breath about how you knew she wouldn't want that stupid singing gorilla thing. Though it is easy to find yourself in exactly such a position, there are a couple of rules to follow to ensure victory.
One: Never get anything that makes sound. Not a stuffed animal, or a singing card or even a CD. Keep it quiet, and you just might come out on top.
Second, never allow yourself to believe she will be happy as long as you give her the biggest box of chocolate available. This is not to say that chocolate is a bad gift on the whole, but as a solo act on the scale of two to three pounds of truffle assortments, it's really not doing too much for the girl of your dreams. Try to keep it to 12 ounces or less of chocolaty goodness and you'll be right on track.
Next, never buy a card from the store. Never. To prove that this is a bad idea, let us go through what is involved here. You really like a girl. You want to put into words the way you feel about her. You also want to make her feel special and believe that you went the extra mile for her on Valentine's Day. Now you want to do all this, but the best you can come up with is a $2.99 card from Hallmark with some stupid picture of giraffes kissing on the front? Disgusting. Write a note, draw a picture, carve a poem into wood; just don't buy a card.
Finally, buy a backup gift. This technique involves giving your date an initial gift at the beginning of your date. You then assess her reaction to said gift. If she seems to love the first one, then you are in the clear and have an extra gift for another holiday. If she reacts poorly, however, then you hit her with your second gift later on in the night. The two gifts may be able to collectively make up for the bad first gift, leading to a successful day on the whole and a lot more sleep for you that night.
Though Valentine's Day can be a great opportunity to ask that special someone to dinner or to show the GF that you still got it, it can also turn disastrous. Though this article outlined some specific points for avoiding this, the most important thing is to make the day about the girl. Though it may seem like guys are getting the short end of the stick here, this is life. So try not to curse out loud too much as you're wracking your brain for what in the world she would want as a gift, because at the end of the day, the work you put in is the good you'll get out. And maybe at the very least you will have picked a good restaurant to eat at, and a good meal should never be under-appreciated.
Andy's column runs biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at taylor@cavalierdaily.com.
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