In previous columns, I've written at some length about the dating scene on Grounds, my boyfriend and others' relationships. I've had no shortage of material - college is swarming with young men and women mating and dating and slowly beginning to think about marriage. In fact, various surveys reveal that about 60 percent of women believe they will meet their future spouses in college. But just how does one go about sizing up a potential spouse? For the answer to this question I sought out the font of all knowledge: my dad.
My dad was a bachelor for a fairly long time. He didn't get married until he was 35 and didn't have his first child - me! - until he was 38. Thus, he had a significant amount of experience dating - albeit more than 20 years ago. During those 19 years of dating, he came up with three characteristics he believes one should look for in a future spouse.
Beauty - As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but, no matter what your potential future spouse looks like, the ability to sustain physical - dare I say sexual? - interest in your partner is a key facet of any long-term relationship. In our society, fidelity and longevity measure a successful marriage, and to ensure success, one must be sexually interested in one's partner. Keeping your partner interested in you comes with the burden of maintaining one's "attractiveness." Both of my parents work out regularly and likely look younger than their actual ages, and ... I suspect they're still "doing it." Don't be shocked if your parents are, as well. Although we all inherently realize our parents are "sexual," the thought of them "doing the nasty" is a mental image we avoid for fear of self-induced nausea.\nIntelligence - My dad believes if either partner is intellectually inferior to the other, the relationship is doomed. For a fully satisfying relationship, one must be more than just physically attracted to the other. Would you like to spend your entire life with someone who wasn't on your intellectual level? The ability to offer each other intellectual stimulation is probably more important than sex in a relationship, particularly in the long run. Really, what are you going to talk about after the patent-leather hip boots come off and the riding crop gets put away?
Personality - This is more complex than the word typically conveys. It encompasses not only the emotional temperament, character and charisma of the other person, but also their values, specifically their opinions about marriage, children, politics and religion. For instance, my mom and dad are "married for life." They do not use the word "divorce" in reference to their marriage. No matter how harsh the argument, the word "divorce" is not uttered. It simply is not an option. This commitment is something they both brought to their wedding. My parents also share a sense of humor, a work ethic and a variety of interests - food, athletics, history, travel, etc. Shared values and interests are, no doubt, key to a successful marriage.
As my dad tells it, during his long bachelor life, he dated many women who had one of the above characteristics, and just a few ladies who had two. But, a woman who had all three features eluded him for many years ... until he met my mother. My dad spotted her in the cafeteria at work, and because he knew one of her girlfriends, he arranged an introduction over lunch. And as my mom tells it, the movie "Top Gun" was in the theaters, Tom Cruise was "all that" and my dad, who was in the Navy, wore his white uniform to lunch. They were engaged one year later. Their 23rd anniversary is this year. Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad, and happy hunting to the rest of you!
Jordan's column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
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