I really can't get over the way some people behave when they're out on the prowl at bars and parties. The things they think they can say and get away with are ridiculous. Every time I come back to school to start a new semester, I have to readjust to the going-out culture at U.Va. After going out the past few weekends, I'm finding I have to adjust myself to the ways some guys approach you here.
I went out a couple of weekends ago to a big house party thrown by a certain singing group. My friends and I walked out to the crowded porch and were chatting with some of the group's new members. A first-year boy (!!!) began talking to my fourth-year (!!!) friend, Hannah. Their conversation proceeded as follows:
Boy: So ... Where are you from?\nHannah: I'm actually from New Jersey.
Boy: NO WAY! I'm from New Jersey too!\nHannah: Oh, that's cool. How are you liking Charlottesville?
Boy: I love it.\nBrief period of silence
Boy: So since we're both from New Jersey, do you think I could get your number?
WHAT!? How is that an appropriate time or a justifiable reason for that first-year guy to ask for my fourth-year friend's number? Unless he wanted to bum a ride home with her for Thanksgiving Break, I really don't get it.
I sat on a couch behind her, giggling as I listened to her begrudgingly give him her number because she didn't know what to say. Watching me laugh by myself, a guy approached me to ask what was so funny. I explained the situation, we exchanged introductions, and I learned he was actually in his fifth year. Here is how our conversation unfolded:
Boy: So ... Are you in any clubs?
Yep, I thought that was a weird question for a party, too.
Me: Yeah, I actually write a dating column for The Cavalier Daily.\nBoy: Awesome ... Do you date a lot then?
What? How do I answer that?
Me: Uh ... I mean, I don't know. I guess. No? Maybe.
Boy: So ... Do you want to, like, have a sexual experiment so you have something to write about in the paper?\nMe: Uhhh ...
At this point, Hannah and I locked eyes and immediately booked it out of the party.
I wish I could say that these interactions were out of the ordinary, but I'm finding that after knowing guys for only a brief period of time, they think they can get away with saying and doing the most forward things.
The next night, a group of my friends were hanging out with some guys we met through a friend. They seemed very down-to-earth at first, and I even ate a hot dog one of them bought for me at one of those late night Beta Bridge food sales. That was my first mistake.
By the end of the night, he had walked some of us - second mistake - back to our sorority house. Here, he asked if he could stay the night with us because he had locked himself out of his own place. Whether that was true, I don't know, but I still don't see how it's appropriate to ask to stay the night with some girls you just met at their sorority house. I never should have eaten that hot dog.
I made up some story about our national president being in town and rules against boys staying over, then gestured to the fancy-looking keypad outside our door and our high-tech alarm system. In case anyone was wondering, apparently it's completely believable that there are alarm systems that only go off when a male steps onto our porch. Whatever the case, he gave up and went home.
I'm all for being bold and taking risks and approaching strangers that you're attracted to. But there's a difference between being confident and being outrageously, presumptuously forward. We shouldn't be asked for our phone numbers because we happened to be born in the same state, receive proposals for a sexual experiment because we happen to write for the paper or deflect requests for a late night sleepover because you happened to have "lost" your key. Faced with all of these pushy propositions, is it that crazy that I find myself wishing for the good old days of "hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Jordan's column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.\n
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