Meeting the parents in college is a much bigger deal than it was in high school. In high school, your boyfriend had to meet your family within the first couple weeks of dating because, well, you lived with them, and they still had a lot of control of what you were doing. In early high school, you couldn't even drive, so dates had to be chauffeured by mom and dad, meaning your parents got to know your significant other right around the time you did. In college, however, you can meet someone, date and start to have a serious relationship months before you even decide to tell your parents. So when the time finally comes to bring your special someone home to mom and dad, it understandably comes with some weight.
When my boyfriend finally met my parents, he was pretty nervous. I think the whole "My dad's a Captain in the Navy" comes with a media-induced stereotype that implies intimidation and potentially a shotgun, with "if you ever hurt my daughter" being whispered into his ear on the way out the door. So yeah, he was a little nervous. He came to my house for dinner and unfortunately for him, my mom made bulgogi and edamame, dishes that he wasn't quite familiar with. Edamame, as you may know, is a soybean typically served with Asian dishes. What you're supposed to do is shell the beans from the pod and leave the pods on the side of your plate, as you would with the shells from crab legs or the bones from buffalo wings. My poor boyfriend didn't know this and eagerly popped one of the edamame pods into his mouth. Whole. And with the only alternative being to spit it back out, had to chew and swallow his way through the hairy, sharp pods. Lesson learned - it's understandable to be on your toes when meeting the parents for the first time, but don't be so nervous that you lose all awareness - to the point that you start gnawing on the napkin, thinking it's dessert.
To be fair, parents can also butcher the first meeting of the new significant other in college. I guess it must be difficult to meet the living embodiment of the idea that your child will be making all subsequent important decisions without you to help guide them in an appropriate direction. I have a friend whose sister brought a boy home to stay at her house in New Jersey for a weekend so he could meet the family. Of course, the boy was not to stay in her room and got a spot on the pull-out in the living room. Her dad then fulfilled the overprotective father role to a T, spending the entire night on the couch next to her boyfriend just to make sure no funny business could take place. Still, the boy stuck around, and now that they've been dating for a few years, he is allowed to sleep in her room. What a turnaround.
I've never been able to have a boy sleep in my room, even though my parents were fully aware that I had sold all of my furniture - including my bed - last semester, and certainly wasn't sleeping on an empty floor, especially when my boyfriend had a comfy King-sized bed just a couple blocks away. Yet he still is relegated to the guest room when he visits. I guess it's just one of those things where it's easier to pretend you don't know what's going on than to acknowledge it.
So clearly the relationship between the parents and their child's significant other is a whole new one once college starts. I guess all you can do is be polite, stay alert and run the other direction if you see a cabinet full of shotguns.
Jordan's column runs biweekly Mondays. She can be reached at j.hart@cavalierdaily.com.
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