Prediction: Adele's "Someone Like You" will be played eight million times per second globally on Valentine's Day. Those who still want to maintain a front that they do not care about the holiday and love being single - and have just absolutely loved being single for four years - will retreat to the shower, belting it out freely, knowing that the water will drown their sobs and perhaps their dignity, depending on water pressure.
Other people will openly express their sorrow, singing along so often that they decide to have an Adele Valentine's Affair - if they are not having a love affair, they should at least take advantage of the pun, right? These parties will consist of wine, cynical critiques of the hook-up culture and chocolate. With every bite of chocolate, two guests per party will make the same, "Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?" joke. The universal, unofficial rule of these soirees will be if someone whose name is not on the list shows up saying, "I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited," he or she will be warmly welcomed.
Radio DJs will add to the play count, always prefacing the track by "sending it out to all the ones who have been through heartbreak this year. You are not alone, and soon I hope you will find someone like the one that got away. Speaking of, we have Katy Perry tickets to give away! First caller wins!"
If all the song's lyrics were not already unwillingly imprinted in your memory by early September, I'm sorry. It will certainly happen within five minutes of being awake on Valentine's Day.
V-Day, in this case, is the new D-Day. I am so complacent about Valentine's Day that I do not even want to get into the trite, overdone battle between those who believe the day is all about love and those who believe it's all about emptying wallets.
There is, however, one stake I have in this day. And I will confide it is not a steak dinner with the man of my dreams. Besides warning everyone about Adele's V-Day takeover of the world - the first half of this thing was really just a public service announcement - I am really opinionated about Sweethearts.
Sweethearts, otherwise known as that abysmal candy with clich
Read More
Queer Student Union showcases strength and spreads love
By Rosie Strickland | 4 days agoThis summer, QSU members say that the organization’s efforts to support the University’s Queer community extend far beyond the 30 days of June.
‘Don’t get too comfortable’: Words of wisdom for the incoming class
By Kate Johnson | July 4, 2025These fourth-year students offer their reflections on their first year at the University.
Navigating the University from near and far
By Amanda Chung , Mai Hukuoka and Dana Douglas | July 2, 2025As the 2025-26 school year inches closer, three Life writers came together to discuss their different perspectives as in-state and out-of-state students.
