To me, being queer means the ability to question the conventions society has placed on me. It means an openness to struggle, to the culture and stories of different humans, and to the challenge of resilience. But to many of the people I meet, this defining identity of mine is reduced to the experimental nature of liberal girlhood: sexualized, fetishized, another win for the patriarchy. Because why would any woman choose not to be with a man? In “The Pervasive Heterosexualizing of American Youth,” activist Michael Carosone writes, “In a heteronormative capitalistic society, sexually deviant persons are not allowed to exist, because reproduction is paramount for the creation of more workers and consumers.” I would like to think college students have a greater capacity to envision life beyond the sole purpose of their contributions to the capitalist machine.
As the millennial generation — where over 40 percent of us are non-white and homosexuality is no longer taboo — we are perceived as more accepting of differences than our elders were. But we have become complacent in our presumed tolerance. My first year, I did not rush because I did not want to make other girls uncomfortable (little did I know, the president of the sorority I’d join the next year is a lesbian). My second year, I wanted to come out but was advised by a ‘friend’ not to mix my personal life with student government, since I was running for an elected position.
I do not feel oppressed by the societal limitations on my lifestyle. But there are so many other people in the queer community who do — people who are silenced and made to feel ashamed for the very freedom that brings us joy. I cannot even fully describe this discrimination without mentioning the intersection of race and gender with sexuality, but my space is limited.
You might be thinking right now, “This article doesn’t apply to me. I love gay people!” However, while it is fun to dress up in all rainbow and get drunk for your local pride festival, that’s not enough to call yourself an ally. I urge you to learn how to advocate for inclusion actively. I have seen and experienced so many microaggressions: lesbians being ridiculed for not wanting to have a threesome; my butch friend being asked why she doesn’t want to be pretty; and people insisting that I am a man-hater. These unintentionally negative messages perpetuate the cycle of exclusion of the queer community.
Just like most of America and the world, the University is entrenched in heteronormativity, or the belief that people should maintain explicit gender identities and that heterosexuality is the only norm. Consider our institution’s same-sex halls in dorms and its tradition of “guys in ties and girls in pearls.” Beyond that, students exhibit their closed-mindedness every day with phrases and exclamations such as “no homo,” “lesbian lovers” and “not gay!” When so much of our lust-filled youthful conversation has to do with sex, love and relationships, there is ample opportunity to rub it into the face of LGBTQ friends that the way they love is not normal.
I don’t want you just to tolerate my gayness. I want you to make yourself a little uncomfortable and ask me questions (and not about whether lesbian sex can actually be legitimate given the lack of a phallic object). Rather, push yourself to understand the possibility of a spectrum of sexual orientation. When you meet new people, assume they could have any range of sexualities, and ask what pronouns they use. Distancing yourself from me does not make you any more straight, and listening to me talk about my girlfriend will not turn you gay.
Let us be the generation that celebrates diversity of people for all their unique colors and textures. Heteronormativity is out. Acceptance is in.
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