You’ve finally made it to college and you’re completely prepared because you made a list of everything you’d need and packed it all. Then you checked online for “college essentials” and you packed those too. But I’ve got some bad news, you actually forgot to pack 10 things! It’s a common mistake, I get it. Once you’re done reading this, text your parents to send this stuff in the mail. You should also ask for money and forget to tell them that you appreciate everything they do for you.
I know what you’re thinking, “I just had my period two weeks ago! I’m fine!” Ha! You really think you won't sync up with the 40 other girls living on your floor just in time for the first day of classes? That’s so cute! Get ready.
2. Work ethic
The hardest part of college wasn’t packing and moving in. And this isn’t some sappy thing where I say the hardest part is leaving your family and friends from home. It's the work. The hardest part is definitely the work. It’s very hard.
3. Something to ward off ghosts
This school actually is haunted and most of the ghosts are pretty old. I’ve personally seen the ghost of Jefferson, and he told me to get out of the library and back to caring for my children or people would assume I was a street wench. I don’t think he realized I was a student here.
4. A lanyard
This is a first-year essential. You need it for your ID card and one key! Without it you may actually be mistaken for a second year, and I don’t want to be lumped in with you guys — I mean you wouldn’t want that. Since you forgot the lanyard, it is imperative that you wear your class shirt on the first day of classes because there's no better way to impress new people than by wearing a shirt you and 3,700 other people got for free.
5. “Pulp Fiction” poster
Oh no! How will all the hot chicks you’re going to bring back to your dorm room know that you are a heterosexual white boy who likes girls and hamburgers?
6. Portable speaker
More important than a blanket that lets you claim a spot on the ground, a portable speaker actually lets you claim the air in your general vicinity. Simply turn it on and blare a warning to others in the form of whatever atrocious music you feel like.
Crap! You left it on your bathroom counter at home! Ugh! You totally told yourself not to forget it too! So annoying!
8. Some bin or something
Your mom got you a bin or like a drawer thing for under your bed and you left it in your basement. You really should’ve brought it because it's the perfect place to hide your handle from your RA.
9. Going out shoes
Maybe you didn’t know this yet but the floor at every party will either be wet or sticky… but I’m sure your $85 sandals will work just fine.
10. A passion for learning
Trust me, even if you think you packed this, you didn’t.
And one thing you didn’t think you packed but you actually did:
1. Way too much stuff
You don’t need everything you packed and you also don’t even need to pack everything you need. You’re kind of like a grown up now and you can probably handle going to Bed Bath & Beyond by yourself. Unless you’re one of those people who uses that laundry service thing — then you probably can’t handle it and you should focus more on learning how to tie your shoes.
Hopefully this list will help you get settled into college and ready for this new adventure. And if it doesn’t do that, well that’s not really my problem at all. Figure it out for yourself! Watch “The Breakfast Club” or something! Start a fight with your roommate! I don’t care!
Emma Klein is a Humor Columnist for The Cavalier Daily. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.