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Make Charlottesville a Lime Sanctuary City

Humor columnist Katie McCracken mourns the loss of Limes

Limes have their haters, but all great things do
Limes have their haters, but all great things do

What’s trendier than Golden Goose sneakers and going keto? Second Amendment sanctuary cities. It seems like every day a new Facebook page pops up encouraging citizens to strap on their AR-15, march to city hall and demand that their representatives protect their right to shoot...things? Criminals? I’m not really sure. Honestly though, the Second Amendment is so last season. We have more pressing issues to deal with. After months of vicious attacks from Charlottesville City Council, Lime has left Charlottesville! Our right to scooter is officially under attack!

It started with the loss of Bird scooters. Their departure hit especially hard since I still had $7 in Bird credits that I now have no way to use. I’ll admit, I thought it was just a fluke. Birds don’t have quite the same “it” factor as Limes. But once Limes left, I knew something was seriously wrong. In the few semesters that they were here, e-scooters became deeply ingrained as a fundamental part of the college experience. Something much more sinister has to be going on, and clearly it will take more than our enthusiastic patronage to keep scooters around.

As I’m sure all students agree, there is truly no greater feeling than zipping down Rugby Road, wind in your hair, bugs in your teeth, cars and pedestrians desperately fleeing out of your way. Limes have their haters, but all great things do. In my very serious research of The Cavalier Daily comment section, I came to the conclusion that the only naysayers are old people with nothing better to do than harass college students on Facebook. But Limes aren’t meant for them. They don’t rely on Limes to get to class when they’re running late after burning their avocado toast three times. They grew up walking places. For our generation, that’s the equivalent of using an Android. So uncool.

Our founding fathers would be deeply ashamed of this scooter-unfriendly environment!
In fact, it specifically goes against the principles our great nation was founded on. In the Declaration of Independence, the University’s original daddy Thomas Jefferson explicitly wrote:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Without Limes and Birds, I have a smaller social life, lack the liberty to travel easily and most importantly, I am unable to pursue happiness! Living in a city without a thriving e-scooter market is a dreary, bleak existence. A Charlottesville without Limes is not a Charlottesville for me. Frankly, I think good old TJ would be ashamed.

Students: We must rally and protect our scooters! At the next City Council meeting Feb. 3, we must peacefully protest with fun chants and Instagrammable posters. Charlottesville should be a safe space for our beloved scooters! If we don’t fight for our right to Lime, no one else will.  The rights of our people to scoot and have fun shall not be infringed!

If you don’t respect our values and our heritage, get out of our city. Give me Limes or give me death!