1. Wash your hands, please
Unfortunately with these small saliva collection tubes, there is a higher chance that you will get a little spit on your hands. I’m not saying you have bad aim, but I am suggesting that — regardless of your confidence in your spit trajectory — we can all benefit from a solid hand washing after harvesting our saliva. Even if you can’t find soap and water, I recommend using one of the strategically placed hand sanitizer dispensers as you exit the testing site. After this step, feel free to proceed with any of the other items on this list!
2. Drink tons of water
Personally, I take the guidelines for not eating or drinking 30 minutes prior to testing very seriously. Due to this, I am always extremely thirsty after my saliva test, so I go for the water as soon as possible. Your body and dry mouth will thank you for the rehydration, and it’ll be nice to rinse out any excess saliva that didn’t make it into the tube — there’s no need to hold on to that. Also, a pro tip — if you drink plenty of water prior to your test, it will go much faster and easier for everyone involved. Hydration is always the key to success.
3. Eat the foods you dreamed of during testing
The staff at the testing centers usually encourages people to imagine delicious foods to promote salivation and “get the juices flowing” — gross, I know. So, if you use this tactic for your collection process and find that you can’t forget the Bodo’s bagel or Take It Away sandwich that you pictured in your mind, I say go for it. Reimburse your body for the way you manipulated its biological processes and buy yourself a delicious meal, snack, expensive latte or whatever it may be that had you drooling just minutes ago.
4. Buy yourself something nice
Once again, I’m a firm believer that saliva testing can really mentally break you. Drooling into a plastic tube surrounded by people you have never met can be a large feat, and the anxiety of your results can be just as terrible as the actual test itself. All these factors combined adds up to one definitive solution — buy yourself something nice to compensate yourself for all your hard work. Retail therapy will heal your mental anguish, and a new purchase is sure to brighten up your day — a day that was previously clouded by discretely collecting your saliva in the world’s smallest container.
5. Go for a walk or maybe work out
For some odd reason, saliva testing can leave you feeling motivated to be productive and get stuff done. Maybe it’s the reassurance that you’re doing your part or maybe it’s simply the fact that having a testing appointment forced you to get up out of bed and do “real stuff” outside of your home. Whatever it is, I vote that you capitalize on those feelings and go for a walk or do a workout. This is especially doable if your testing site is far away from where you live — make the most out of what might seem to be an inconvenience.
6. Send a selfie to prove you did your civic duty
There is nothing quite like a weekly selfie of you in a parking garage with a tube of your saliva. If the idea of taking a picture with your tube grosses you out, take a picture with the signs — one of my favorite signs for pictures is one that reads, “Don’t stand together and spit.” Anyway, I’m sure your roommates, friends and parents would absolutely love to see that you are a responsible student and citizen. Another option for those of you that test with roommates or friends is taking a selfie with your spitting-partner to produce documentation of your journey together. One day, the COVID-19 pandemic will be over, and you will be famous for the insight your picture collage can provide to first-hand experiences of college students during a global pandemic.
7. Overshare the details of your testing experience
Odds are something out of the ordinary happened between the time that you recited your computing ID and when you delicately dropped your spit tube into some unfortunate worker’s hand. Due to how unique this practice is, there never fails to be one incident that is worth repeating — so I urge you to trap your roommates and friends and detail every moment of your appointment. Describe your saliva, or tell them all about the cute boy that you made eye contact with when you spit at the same time — talk about a meet-cute.
8. Take a rest
If you have an early testing appointment or you find that the test was particularly draining, take a rest to rejuvenate yourself. Resting comes in many forms — closing your eyes and just sitting, taking a nap or even just going back to bed all together. There is no shame in recognizing when your body and mind need a break, so if time allows, get some rest and relaxation post-salivation.
9. Prepare yourself for the results
Hopefully there isn’t a question of whether the results are positive or negative. However, there is always the question of when the results will come in and how many times you will receive the results. My favorite part of saliva testing is the bombardment of texts and emails about my “important notification” that I receive from a minimum of three different sources. Don’t get me wrong — I appreciate the thoroughness of the saliva testing processes, but the repetitive nature of the notifications results is a bit nerve-wracking. It definitely requires a bit of mental prep, so be sure to set aside a little time to get yourself ready.
10. Consider new strategies for next week’s test
As students at the University, we strive to do our best in everything we do. Why should the same not apply to our saliva testing? Every week after you complete your mandatory test, think of ways to be more efficient or faster in your next go round. Alter your pre-test hydration tactics, or try new strategies to salivate like cheek massage. Maybe try a new collection trick like leaning forward when you spit — you never know what helps until you give it a go. And if you have any pointers that you would like to share with a below-average saliva tester, please feel free to reach out.
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