I love bagels – no, that would be an understatement – I live for bagels. I go to Bodos so often that the workers know me by name, and I know the employee shift schedule by heart. That being said, while I’ve learned a lot about bagels, I’ve learned even more about the people who eat them. The hole in the middle of the bagel serves a much deeper purpose than any of us realized – it is a window into our souls.
Order No. 1 Plain Bagel + Cream Cheese
You, my friend, walked into Bodos absolutely agendaless and the moment you saw the menus up front, you blanked. By the time you made it up to the cash register, you were only able to squeak out “bagel with cream cheese” before your fear of being a nuisance to others took over. You didn’t have time to actually think about what you wanted and now you’re at the front of the line, stuck between choosing between your own happiness or the happiness of those around you. Once again, your self-sabotaging tendencies got the best of you and you ended up with a classic bagel that nobody could go wrong with.
Order No. 2 Any Bagel + Lox & Cream Cheese
You grew up with parents who let you buy the giant bouncy balls in the ball cage at the grocery store. You have always known your own self- worth and you want those around you to know it too. You’ll tell people your bagel order at random times, completely unprompted, just so you can flex that you know what lox is. You have a bright future ahead of you, you just might need to work on your spending habits a little more.
Order No. 3 A Plain Bagel + Anything
You are scared of change. You had a plain bagel once when you were six, decided it was delicious, and never tried another flavor. Sure, sometimes an everything or sesame bagel looks like it might be good, but putting stuff on top of your bagel is scary and could end very, very badly. What if you eat an everything bagel and end up flopping an interview for your dream job because there were seeds in your teeth? What if a sesame bagel stops you from meeting your soulmate, who is allergic to sesame seeds? A plain bagel is secure, safe and unchanging. Why ruin something that’s already good by looking for something better?
Order No. 4 “You Pick”
You are terrified of commitment. You have never made a single choice in your life without the input of others and that doesn’t end when you walk through the doors of Bodos. You’ll either have your friend order their favorite bagel combo for you or you’ll ask the person behind the register to just make you something random. Life is full of amazing options that you have yet to explore, so there is no reason to tie yourself down to a single order.
Now that I have let you in on the one talent I have going for me, you too can become a bagel whisperer. Go forth my little prodigies and psychoanalyze everyone in the Bodos line the next time you grab breakfast.
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