While many have heard of the esteemed Life Desk at The Cavalier Daily — though obviously not as popular as the Humor Desk — few know that it used to run a series called Love Connection. Love Connection matched individuals with similar interests up and sent them on a date. After the date, the lovebirds were asked if they wanted to give an interview on how the date went. Unfortunately, a global disaster occurred and students could no longer be in close proximity to strangers. The page has been left untouched since 2020.
But fear not! There is still a cow and I am here to milk it. I — a seasoned investigator and journalist ever since my attempt at solving the CavMan mystery — have snuck into The Cavalier Daily archives to discover the unpublished stories of the Love Connection page.
Accessing the archives was a doozy. Perhaps the hardest thing I had to accomplish yet. It took courage. Wit. Creativity.
I had to ask the newspaper’s archives manager if I could access the Love Connection files.
No, no. While what I did may sound “easy,” I assure you it was a grueling task. I had to pretend to be part of the Life Desk. I studied for weeks thinking of Top 10s for anything ranging from places to eat on Grounds to ways to sneak into the archives of a newspaper. It was this confident, Life staff member aura that gave me access to the archives.
The very first thought that popped into my head when reading the unpublished Love Connection interviews was, boring! No wonder the couples asked for their interviews not to be published. Who would read this garbage? Pages of winter café dates where the sun set as students kissed — these moments, in particular, were kept from publishing for sentimental reasons. Psshhh. I wish these couples had just kept these moments between themselves as opposed to sharing them with the Life Desk interviewer because their stories were drier than their probably winter breeze-chapped lips as they kissed. I moved on.
After scanning countless useless pages detailing how two people fell in love, I stumbled upon a mystical document with letters and numbers randomly written on it. No, not random. It was a code. Was it a Substitution Cipher? A Mirror Cipher? Hours of deliberation led me to the answer. They were computing IDs! And not just any computing IDs, but those of the individuals who refused to be interviewed. Now, most reasonable people would respect the decision of these individuals to not share their dates, but I’m a journalist and I seek the truth!
I emailed all 428 of them and received two replies, excluding the 273 that sent me profanity-filled responses. However, the emotional damage was worth it as I finally found the bootleg Love Island U.Va. content I know you have been craving.
The first reply was from someone we will call Joseph. Joseph said his date was insane. She came late and left early, but made him wish the date was shorter nonetheless.
“Like, I was too embarrassed to tell this story while I was still at U.Va. but I guess, with this layer of anonymity, it is easier to say what a horrible experience it was,” “Joseph” said. “I invited her to dinner at some fancy restaurant, I forget the name, and she showed up in sweatpants and crocs! And on top of that, she had 48 oysters as an appetizer. She basically made out with the oysters the way she was smacking her lips after each one. And, of course, she expected me to pay.”
Ouch, now that’s one bad date. But the conversation I had on the phone with him definitely made me think those oysters were more interesting than him.
The next email I got was from someone we will call, uh, Josephine. Josephine detailed her terrible experience of having a study session with her date.
“So I was taking this class and I told him about my exam coming up, and he offered to help me study,” “Josephine” said. “Little did I know he was a mansplainer, teaching me, incorrectly I may add, all the content I already knew. He would not let me get a word in. Every time I would open my mouth to ask a question, comment, or correct something, he would tell me to stop talking. He wasn’t even the same major as me!”
Dang. Men, am I right? Can’t say she knew any better though, she ended up switching majors.
And that is what I discovered during my investigative journey in revisiting The Cavalier Daily’s Love Connection series. Hopefully, these stories haven’t stopped you from seeking out your own true love, or from going on a Tinder date. At the very least, these stories should make you feel better about your own non-existent love life.