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(07/05/19 10:49pm)
Welcome to orientation! I’m sure you’ve read and heard about all the amazing things you can do at U.Va. and all the best practices for having a great first year. Well, now it is time for even better practices that can be found nowhere other than the Humor section of The Cavalier Daily. Duh.
(05/10/19 7:27pm)
Obviously, these will go backwards. For suspense.
(03/21/19 12:33am)
To say that I was emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually damaged after last year’s Round of 64 heartbreak to University of Maryland Baltimore College would be an understatement. Out of the barrage of texts that I received — mostly from “friends” excited to tell me that my college basketball team of choice was garbage — the one conversation that I think summarizes my feelings best came from my dad. After talking me through his emotions after his beloved Florida Gators were absolutely clobbered by the powerhouse Nebraska football team for the national championship in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl, the only response I could muster was, “whatever.” I couldn’t care less about his national championship woes. We didn’t even come close to that game. What went wrong? I thought I had embraced the pace!
(08/15/18 6:38am)
These days, you would be hard pressed to find anyone who does not have a Twitter account or who has not at least heard of Twitter. In fact, if you could find someone who hasn’t heard of Twitter, please let me know because that is crazy. People, both young and old, are often enamored with Twitter users who have massive followings, whether they deserve the fans or not. Now, I can finally provide to you, the reader, a few tips and tricks that might launch you into 140-character stardom. Wait, it’s 280 now, isn’t it? You get the idea.
(07/24/18 4:19am)
Ah yes, summertime. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I can not eat a single morsel of food even if my life depended on it. Well, I guess technically your life does depend on eating food for survival, but we will get to that.
(04/27/18 2:08am)
Now, I must preface this article by correctly claiming that this may singlehandedly be the most important article that The Cavalier Daily, in all 128 years of its existence, has ever published. The events recalled in this article are of the utmost relevance to any and all people who dare to read the words that are about to follow. Therefore, it is imperative that this article is read until its conclusion, as the advice and knowledge seeping into every word should not be skimmed or skipped. Now, with that out of the way, I will continue. The following is taken directly from a letter that my friend at Georgetown sent to me earlier this week. He placed the handwritten note directly into a clear glass bottle, and after circumnavigating the globe twice, it arrived right at the doorstep of Fitzhugh Hall, just as he intended. Upon opening this gift, I read these words.
(04/08/18 8:54pm)
Last week I found myself feeling incredibly bored, so I decided to think about my trends in coffee consumption, as most people would in that sort of situation. Upon my reflection, I discovered a startling trend: I will drink iced coffee in any weather. Yeah sure, I’ll pop a K-Cup into the ol’ Keurig now and then to help me wake up, and I guess O’Hill can occasionally provide me with a nice hot cup of joe, but I realized that whenever I go to Starbucks, despite the temperature outside, I will order a Vanilla Iced Coffee™.
(02/11/18 7:14pm)
The Taj Mahal. The Eiffel Tower. The Great Pyramids of Giza. All of these architectural feats evoke images of greatness, power and human triumph in the minds of whoever thinks of them. Now, it seems as if a new legend of construction greatness is about to arise: the Stairs by Newcomb Dining Hall.
(02/01/18 7:31am)
Now I am sure that you have heard about the excitingly dangerous new trend that has taken both the internet and the real world by storm — the Tide Pod Challenge. This challenge is simple. It involves locating a Tide Pod, a small packet of ultra-condensed laundry detergent, and eating it. Although Tide has recently partnered with Rob Gronkowski to raise awareness of the dangers of digesting these mysterious pods, I am here to provide a hot take that everyone should take to heart. I am here to play devil’s advocate to Tide’s argument. I am here to proclaim that Tide Pods are delicious and everyone should be munching on this snack daily.
(11/16/17 5:01am)
Have you recently struggled through the life-draining process of flying on a long, cross-country flight, only to have your safe landing marred by the obnoxious lady in seat 17F clapping louder than an Astros fan after Game 7 of the World Series? Well, put your disdain aside, because recent, very scientific (and not at all fake) studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between the clapping which occurs on an airplane and its safe landing.
(11/02/17 6:04am)
There isn’t a more hot-button issue right now in America than the debate over the National Anthem and the protests surrounding it. Of course, I decided that the number one thing the country needs at this time is the opinion of a random 18-year-old college student, so here it is: We have to change the National Anthem to “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers.
(10/12/17 5:30am)
Welcome back to the “U.Va. News Roundup,” your home for a completely factual (and not at all satirical) compilation of entirely truthful events happening around Grounds. Please, put your dumplings down, your iClicker away and change that SIS password once more as you settle in for today’s takes.
(09/07/17 5:29am)
Greetings parents of [insert quirky sounding British name here],