When life gives you limes, don’t ride them in the middle of the street
To the U.Va. Populace,
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To the U.Va. Populace,
Living on the Lawn is the quintessential U.Va. experience. As many of you know, lawn room decisions for the 2019-2020 school year were released recently. I’m sure you’ve heard the statistics — 2 percent of applicants from the pool were selected, the average GPA was 72, and approximately 89 percent of successful applicants got tickets to the Duke game.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
It’s leasing season folks! Time to sign away your money, power and dignity as a human being to your “home away from home.” After house-hunting your way through all the $800/month tenement housing Charlottesville has to offer and considering camping out in your frat house’s backyard, you’ve finally found your little slice of mediocrity. It features two bedrooms, one bath, a bug problem and a smoke alarm that goes off when the room temperature slightly changes. The apartment complex fosters a close-knit community through paper-thin walls and ceilings, enabling you to hear everything your neighbor does.
Summer is a time to start over, to begin fresh. It’s a tabula rasa, if you will, dear reader. For some of us, this means catching up on our reading for pleasure, spending more time with our families and beginning LSAT prep. For others, it means binge watching all of “Game of Thrones” in seven days time. It doesn’t matter which one I am. But #TeamNightKing.
Dear [Professor/Mr./Mrs./Dr./Reverend/other] [insert last name here],
Rule #471: No writer of The Cavalier Daily is to ever use an Oxford comma in any article.
We’ve all been there — you just got into a new club, dorm or even a class, and they ask you to do a stupid icebreaker that makes you cringe with discomfort. It might be a classic like “name, year and hometown!” because that’s so revealing. Or maybe if it’s a more intimate group, you might branch out with “two truths and a lie.”
I entered college much like many other pseudo-adults from the protective nest of Northern Virginia. I was a novice at laundry, had never ridden a bus and possessed the infamous unlimited meal plan. While I quickly mastered the one-load wonder and the “Rider” app became my best friend, cooking was something far off my radar, as I had a cornucopia of ready-to-eat complex carbohydrates to choose from at O-Hill.
As I sit in my childhood bedroom and gaze pensively out the window, I reflect on all the things that 2017 brought with it, and I struggle to put my feelings into words. And as I open my mouth to verbally express my confusion to a line of stuffed animals sitting on the bookshelf, reality television icon and beauty guru Kylie Jenner’s sage words of wisdom escape my suddenly perfectly-painted lips, “I feel like this year is really about, like, the year of just realizing stuff.”
For Christmas last year, my mother got me on the waiting list for a really strange present — a four-function pepper spray called the Defender. Spraying the high concentration mace simultaneously sends a silent alarm to the nearest police station, sets off a high-pitched siren and takes a picture of the attacker. It also wirelessly connects to your smart phone and has a GPS.
I remember it like it was yesterday — pulling into the used car dealership with my parents, ready to pick out the new car I would drive to school each day. It was every 17-year-old girl’s dream. Why were they getting me a car, you might ask?
Dear Taylor,