This country was built by men with wooden teeth, but this is the 21st century.
Here are some thoughts from me to you about what you may perhaps be facing when you leave the safe, warm, bosom of our dear University where everything is always okay all the time and nobody is ever troubled by matters of race or sexual violence.
Rejoice, my many readers! Or, if we’re being honest about my readership, rejoice, my parents’ Facebook friends! I finally cleaned my room!
Do you feel left out when everyone races to play Super Smash Bros. and yells at tiny things bouncing around a screen for three hours?
For starters, who sets Lufthansa’s inflight menu? There’s probably an entire culinary staff that decides which terrible German cheese to give people for lunch. They don’t need to hand out five-star meals, but serving “cucumber and quark sandwiches” is borderline disrespectful.
From Rugby Road to Vinegar Hill, first-year College student Andrew will NOT be getting drunk tonight.
Now you, the viewers, can decide the last members for this season’s cast, and with your help, it’ll be insane in the membrane (you know, like Cypress Hill, the rap group? We stopped learning about pop culture in the early nineties)!
I’m not a feminist because I hate men. I’m a feminist because I hate my dad.
Dear Wahoos I give you: “Hulu and hang?” And while you may initially be hesitant, let me just take a minute to explain why Hulu is about to reign supreme in the land of video streaming.
Can we blame Yung Lean for finding less creative release in his world tour than his (Louis Louis) duffel bags full of heroin? Whose very first true revelation about the meaning of “Macaroni Time” by Chief Keef came without the recreational use of hard drugs?
Anyway, this is my point: any movie can be a make-out movie. You’re just going to talk for 15 minutes and then barely watch it anyway — why not put on something a little more memorable?
I am a published goddamn writer. Do you know what that means? It means I gave the gift of words to the pleading masses, and they ate it up like a bunch of babies desperately seeking a teet.
The key to achieving your dreams through lying is to start small, to build up a “resume” of sorts. And believe me, your dreams can go much bigger than high school baseball.
Pisces, like the fish, continues to swim upstream, battling against the endless waves of human misery, longing to relax into its current but knowing somewhere in the deepest reaches of its soul that to do so would be a condemnation against all it represents.
Open communication is key: if you rely on subtle body language you will never kiss, you will keep smiling and looking at each other and if someone was filming it for a television show, then it would last two full seasons before anything happened and 15-year-olds would write 500 words about it on their respective blogs.
Carl and his podcast bros are in the process of starting a nonprofit organization geared toward sharing the “art of podcast” with children in rural Malaysia, Namibia and the Midwest.
I have spent the better part of four years trying desperately to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Unfortunately, despite all the career fairs and CavLink postings, no one seems to be hiring for what I think is my dream job: being a police detective in the 1950s named Jack Harrell.
I know many girls choose to partake in the “ugly” trend because they find oversized men’s clothing and Birkenstocks comfy, so I sincerely apologize to the one person reading this article who wears ugly sandals because of her actual foot problems.
After a long, disastrous demolition that somehow was conveyed to viewers as being environmentally friendly, the team kicked it into high gear decorating the house. Lots of volunteers came to help out, to whom much of the work was outsourced. Every now and then the Extreme Makeover team would pretend to work in front of the camera, as they read off of a teleprompter what specifically they were working on.
I asked the waiter for a latte and he said (translation), “No, I don’t have time to do that.” Waiters and clerks in France don’t have to act like robots designed to make everybody else comfortable and satisfied.
