Top 10 ways to avoid the first-year 15
1. Run late to every class. Turn poor planning or that totally necessary extra 10 minutes of sleep into a good thing. That uphill sprint plus your backpack will tone you right up.
2. Use a meal swipe at Freshens. Hoo knew you could meal swipe here? Its location in the AFC makes it easy to reward yourself after working out (is it bad that I reward myself with food after exercising?). Get extra protein powder in your smoothie because it helps you gain muscle. See you on the football field!
3. Delete College Inn from your phone. They deliver at all hours of the night and will even give you a five percent discount for ordering online. If you’re wondering what sounds wrong with this, the answer is nothing. Take a deep breath and press delete, because we know you’ve already swiped in twice at O-Hill tonight.
4. Visit your friends in New Dorms. To those in New Dorms, I’m sorry. At least you have air conditioning and the deli station at Runk! Because New Dorms are so far from everything, visit your friends there instead of making them come to you. Don’t be tempted to take the bus. That isn’t real exercise, and it never runs on time anyway.
5. Get lost going to Claude Moore. Where is the South Lawn? If the Rotunda is at the north end of the Lawn and Old Cabell is at the south end, where could it possibly be? Answer: through Cabell and down a lot of stairs, across a few hallways and back out the other side. A guaranteed five-minute walk, usually at a fast pace because you’re going to be late.
6. Drop by happy hour at the AFC. Fridays at 5:45 p.m. the AFC offers free, hour-long drop-in classes. With choices like Spice Girls Strength (do strength exercises to music by the Spice Girls for an hour!) and Christmas Yoga: Peace on Earth and in Your Body (do yoga to Christmas music!), why wouldn’t you want to stop by?
7. Carry all your textbooks to the library. You’re going to end up spending all day and all night in a library. Whether it is Alderman, Clemons or Clark, none are very close to first-year housing. Because you’re not going to want to go back to your dorm, carry all your textbooks — plus notebooks and your laptop — to the library. The seven-minute walk to and from with a 100-pound backpack will equal almost an hour of weight training in the AFC (or at least it feels like it).
8. Cut out late-night trips to the Corner after going out. After a night on Rugby Road, it is custom to make the trek to the Corner. Because realistically, who can resist a Gusburger or Little John’s sandwich at 2 a.m.? But be strong. Limit late-night Corner stops.
9. Complete the Old Dorms triathlon! Run up to the third floor of each Old Dorm. Bonus points if you get to the top of Kellogg, too. You’ll undoubtedly make some new friends and maybe it’ll get turned into an intramural sport.
10. Streak the Lawn. Exercise with tradition built in! Everyone is going to do it at least once before he graduates, so why not do it at top speed? The faster you are, the less time you spend without clothes on and the less time the Lawnies have to spotlight you.