Out of the undergraduates currently enrolled, it is possible that as many as 1530 women and 490 men will experience a completed or attempted sexual assault during their time at the University of Virginia. These are estimates based on national statistics, because the overwhelming majority of sexual assault — on and off Grounds — go unreported.
Everyone has a preconceived notion of what sexual assault looks like, but almost everyone is probably wrong. In reality, most of these assaults — over 80 percent — will occur where someone lives. The vast majority will be perpetrated by someone the victim knows. It might be a date, but more often, it will be a friend of a friend, a classmate or someone else the victim knows. Alcohol will be probably be involved. In fact, we can assume that since most assaults happen in the evening, many at parties, that most of the victims will be dressed to go out, possibly in something sexy, like most of their friends. They will probably be together in front of other people before the assault happens, not alone in a dark alley. These facts are important, because they mean that these serious crimes don’t look anything like we’ve been taught to believe. Both the victims and the perpetrators look like us. The good news? Knowing what’s a myth and what’s truth can help us all to be part of the solution to ending these crimes
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Myth: Sexual assault only happens to women.
Truth: More women than men will survive a sexual assault but men are also survivors of these crimes. About 19 percent of college women will experience a completed or attempted sexual assault. Among college men, roughly 6 percent will sustain a completed or attempted sexual assault during their time in college.
Myth: It’s really just a matter of teaching everyone “no means no.”
Truth: The lack of a “no” doesn’t mean yes. If the person you might be hooking up with is too drunk to drive or sign a legal document, it’s safe to assume he or she is too drunk to have sex with. We need to spend less time wondering if someone said no forcefully enough and more time believing that good sex only happens with people who are enthusiastic participants.
Myth: “Never take a drink from a stranger” is one of the most important strategies to avoid assault.
A related myth: if a woman was drinking, she’s to blame for the assault.
Truth: The actual prevalence of ‘date rape drugs’ isn’t known for sure, but they are not all that common — they may be a factor in less than 5 percent of assaults. What is common is what a lawyer would call “voluntary intoxication.” Most people would just say “being drunk or high.” The fact is, more than half of sexual assaults of college women are achieved through incapacitation by drugs or alcohol, and in 90 percent of those cases, the women were drinking before the assault. (We know less about the context of assault of men). Assailants often wait for their victims to get drunk before acting. Rather than discounting a story of assault because there was alcohol involved, we should expect to hear that one or both of the individuals were drinking.
Myth: Most victims are “asking for it” in some way.
Truth: We all like to believe this, because then we’re safe. After all, we’re not asking for it. The reality is that if we go out among other people, we are all vulnerable. And just as important: we are all potential bystanders with the power to take action.
Myth: It’s risky or too much effort to intervene.
Truth: “Intervening” sounds scary, but doesn’t have to be hard. The Green Dot Program developed by Dorothy Edwards teaches students to Distract, Direct, or Delegate. Imagine you’re at a party and see a young woman who is too drunk to stand being walked upstairs to the bedrooms by a guy. You sort of know them, and are pretty sure they aren’t dating. It looks fishy, but what can you do? You can distract by calling out to the guy, “Hey, there’s someone I want you to meet!” and dragging your friend over there to chat. You can be direct. Walk over and say “Hey, you look like you need to go home. Let’s get you in the taxi,” and take over from there. Feeling shy? Delegate! Go find someone who knows them better, and say, “Hey, you need to check on your friend.” The common thread here? There is always something you can do, once you make the decision to be part of the solution.
The numbers are depressing. Far too many University of Virginia students — like college students everywhere — will experience a sexual assault. We don’t have to just accept this state of affairs. We can all have a part in ending the culture that supports these assaults. We can speak up when we hear friends perpetuate rape myths. We can trust our instincts when we see fishy situations. Take a minute. Think of what you can do if the situation comes up. Believe that even small actions can have big consequences. You can easily be the one to prevent the assault if you are prepared to act, even in a small way. None of us can fix everything, but all of us can do something.
Associate Professor of Nursing Kathryn Laughon and her students in “Gender Violence and Culture” contributed to this column.
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