The Cavalier Daily is happy to announce its newest quiz, “Who said it!?” The rules are simple. We give you five real quotes, and you have to decide who said them! This week’s a tough one, as you’ll have three powerhouses to choose from: the television and film franchise “Star Trek,” the epic space opera series “Star Wars,” or ex-host of “The View” Star Jones. Good luck!
1. “We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.”
Answer: “Star Wars”! These ominous words were spoken by none other than Darth Vader himself after he and his old teacher Obi-Wan successfully finished the cross-stitch pattern they had started before Vader lost most of his body in a lava pit.
2. “Once I got so angry I poured a cup of bleach into Barbara’s coffee mug. But luckily my conscience got the better of me and I switched out her coffee before she could drink it.”
Answer: “Star Trek”! Who can forget that series-defining moment when Captain Kirk made this revelation after he, Spock, Scotty and Uhura all got locked in the transporter room and dished all their deepest secrets? His relationship with 2nd Lieutenant Barbara was certainly never the same!
3. “Dammit, we need to sell that piece of junk ship if we’re going to pay for Ben’s schooling! All it does is sit in the hangar and rust away. Do you think I like working a second job while being the leader of the Rebel alliance? And now I’m pregnant again! All that cargo and you couldn’t have smuggled in a single condom?”
Answer: “Star Wars”! Leia said this to her dashing lover Han Solo in a flashback sequence from the newest movie, “The Force Awakens.” Wasn’t it so great to see that these two heroes have the same relationship problems as the rest of us?
4. “I remember I used to go out for dinner or drinks and people would come up to me saying, ‘I love your show,’ and ‘You’re so great on it.’ Then they would pull out a VHS copy of ‘Sister Act’ and ask me to autograph it, and that’s when I realized that all these people thought I was Whoopi Goldberg.”
Answer: “Star Trek”! I think we all remember that behind the scenes footage of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” when a couple of hot microphones accidentally picked up a conversation between Sir Patrick Stewart and LeVar Burton discussing some of Burton’s awkward fan encounters.
5. “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”
Answer: Star Jones! Of course this one was easy — it’s a quote that has defined pop culture since it was uttered by Star Jones after she was nearly eliminated from “Celebrity Apprentice” in 2011. Luckily her prayers were answered, and Ewan McGregor himself stopped by the show to personally ask Donald Trump not to fire Jones.
How’d you do? Add up your score and see how you rank below:
0 Correct: Who’s that sneakin’ round my backyard? You’re definitely not Star Jones.
1-2 Correct: Well you might be Star Jones, but it is very dark out here.
3-4 Correct: Wait, now that my eyes adjusted you’re probably Star Jones.
All 5 Correct: Oops, you set off my yard’s floodlights. But now I’m 100 percent sure you’re Star Jones.
Nick Gibiser is a Humor writer.
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